power of very severely punishing the men under
him.

A short time after my promotion, an honour
was conferred on me, with which I would
willingly have dispensed. I was made general
monitor of the junior schoolroom. Nobody
envied me the distinction, for it was one that
condemned its holder to eight hours' teaching in
every week; and the teaching of Bretons and
Basques is a disagreeable occupation. These
men generally arrive in the regiment unable to
speak two words of French. The Bretons are
stupid, but willing to learn; the Basques are
intelligent, but as obstinate as asses.

To try the knowledge of some new recruits,
I questioned them from an alphabet on the
black-board: passing from one to the other, without
waiting to correct their errors.

"What letter is this?" said I, pointing to A.

"A"

"And this?" pointing to M.

"M," answered a Breton.

"No, it's N," quoth a Basque.

' I know it's N," retorted the Breton.

Unwilling to have a prolonged argument on
the subject, I said the Breton was right; upon
which the Basque looked as black as thunder at
me, shook his fist at his opposer, and, after
class, punched his head: for which I was
obliged to punish him.

One of the school-lessons to such a fellow is
the, teaching him to distinguish the right hand
from the left, and also to impress upon his
mind that the right foot corresponds to the
right hand, and the left with the left. This,
which may appear very ridiculous, is owing to
the system of drill. Almost every motion with
the arms (for cavalry) is executed with the right
arm, while every movement in marching begins
with the left foot. The recruits in their first
bewilderment confound the two, and, if we
are to believe an old French anecdote, sometimes
confuse the instructor himself. An
old corporal teaching the first rudiments of
the balance-step, ordered the men to lift the
left leg; all obeyed except a man in the
middle of the rank, and he lifted his right
leg. When left legs are extended, there is
an interval of about a foot and a half between
each man's extended leg and that of the next
man; but if two men standing alongside one
another, put forward, one the left leg and the
other the right, the two legs will touch. So
it was in this case. The old corporal stared,
passed before his squad, passed back again, and
arrived at the conclusion that "some stupid
ass of a recruit was extending both his feet
at once." When he discovered his error, he
excused it to the officers who watched the
lesson, by saying, "It would not have
astonished me if it had been the case, considering
what imbeciles they are."

Whenever we had a man who could not or
would not learn to distinguish right from left,
we would make him hold a sabre in his right
hand at arm's length for several minutes at a
time. The fatigue almost invariably impressed
upon the recruit's mind which was which; but
I have known men whose right hand it was
necessary, when they came into the army, to
mark with black, that they might distinguish it
from the left hand.

SMALL-BEER CHRONICLES.

A LADY, who keeps house— and who does it
uncommonly well too— received the other day
the following letter from the grocer whom she
usually employs. She naturally enough handed
it over to the Small-Beer Chronicler, as peculiarly
connected with his functions:

"Madam, I have had the honour of serving
you during a period of four years, and I trust
my goods have, in a general way, given you
satisfaction. I am wishful to do my duty by so
old and regular a customer, and my duty compels
me to state that it is no longer possible for me
to supply you with the articles which you require
at the proper price which you ought to pay for
those articles. Madam, you will naturally inquire
the reason of this extraordinary statement.
It is this. The lady— leastways the person—
whom you employ in the office of cook requires
of me so large a per-centage on the orders which
come from your house, that it would be impossible
for me to get a reasonable profit out of the
sale of those goods, unless I was to put upon
them a price which, as I have above stated, is
higher than the worth of the articles and their
market-value justifies me in so doing. Madam,
under these suckamstances what am I to do? I
should be sorry to lose your custom, and at the
same time my conscience will not permit me to
set down in your weekly book harticles which
you have never had, or to demand an unreasonable
price for those which have been delivered
at your door, or hairey steps. Madam, I ast
again what am I to do? The malice of cooks
is such, respected madam, that if I refuse to
give to yours the sums of money she demands
of me, she is capable of spoiling your dishes,
and giving it as the reason that the groceries
supplied by Treacleton and Co. are of so bad a
quality that no cook can send up a dinner as it
should be sent up when she is obliged to make
use of the goods furnished by that firm. Then
you say, naturally enough — then we must go to
some other grocer, and so she gets her revenge.
Madam, having made this statement, I will now
withdraw, trusting that you will excuse the
liberty I have taken in addressing you, and
hoping that things may yet be so arranged that
you will still favour with your orders your
obedient servant,

"JOHN TREACLETON."

One is absolutely obliged to pause for breath
after reading such a letter as this. What depths
and abysses of cheatery and abomination it
reveals underneath the whitewashed surface of a
well-ordered household. Here is one instance
in which the treachery is revealed— how many