hundred, but even forty, thirty, twenty.
What a surprise, what an aid that would
be! And it would be some enjoyment to
diminish the huge gains coining to them,
even by what I should be able to take from
them. I know not what came over me at
that moment. The walls of restraint seemed
to topple down, as at the sound of a trumpet.
For a second the whole seemed harmless
and allowable. I saw cheerful faces round,
smiles of enjoyment, for every one seemed
to be winning, stooping down eagerly and
picking up money with laughter and a sort
of exultation. I could not resist, and,
stretching over a sitting player, who was
very impatient, I laid down my five-franc
piece as the ball began to spin. I had no
nervousness, but even a sort of assured
confidence. I had chosen the most judicious
moment conceivable; red had "gone"
already six times, and I had even nearly lost
a chance. I was thinking how curious it
would be if I was to trace further wealth to
that solitary little piece, when the click came,
the ball was at home, and then the pause—
"ROUGE PAIR ET PASSE!" In went my silver
piece, swept in venomously. It was like a
blow; it chilled my heart, and seemed like
an omen. Worse, I saw D'Eyncourt opposite
with the two young girls, smiling and
pointing. With the usual instinct, my hand
flew nervously to my pocket, as if fearful of
being late—my fingers were trembling and
convulsively grasped three heavy pieces.
That would bring all back with a handsome
benefice. D'Eyncourt was watching and
smiling, and I saw him take the young girl's
money from her, and put it down on the
contrary division to mine.

Red again! Another numbing shock!
What I felt was, not repentance or
disappointment, but anger, something like rage
even, and a determination not to be beaten.
I am amazed at myself, when I think that
my next step was to lay down two napoleons
with faltering touch. It seemed to me I
could not lay them down fast enough.
Round went the ball with its monotonous
burr; then the click, and that croupier,
with a satanic sneer, announces red again!

Dare I own to myself, think for a moment,
what I have done? It seems to make my
brain quiver. Oh! oh! what a fall! Ten
bright golden pieces! That would pay and
pay again all her little bills. Oh, wretch!
Selfish! selfish! What am I to do? Go
back at once—to-morrow—to-night! Get
away from this hellish place—walk—travel
third class—submit to every privation, and
thus get some of it back. Get some of it
back! Oh, how my pulse flutters! Yes,
what I did before! Why not now? The
luck may be for me. Yes, there is time
still, now. I must not be childish or
ridiculous. What if I venture, I say, two gold
louis, and solemnly vow and swear before
Heaven, on my bended knees, not to go
beyond that? There is little or no difference
between ten and twelve. One man, last
week, on two florins, won his thirty
napoleons. I saw him. . . . Now I just say to
myself, very calmly, "Let me look into this
matter quietly. I am not a fool—an impulsive,
ridiculous soul. What is ten pounds
after all? To be racked by remorse, my
equilibrium upset, all for ten pounds!"

"Consider, sir," said Johnson, "what a
trifle this will appear to you in a year!"

After all, I am not quite a child, to be
brought to account for spending its pocket
money—and I that have scraped, and coined
my poor brain and wits, into many a ten
pounds, for my family—it is hard that I
should be brought to book for what a
hundred men in my case would do, and say
nothing about. It was foolish and impulsive;
but, God knows, if we are to be brought
to book for every trifle, life would be simply
wretched. . . . What I do blame myself for,
is my not keeping my judgment steadily in
hand. These interruptions, and the sneering
looks of that man, made me forget the
unerring law I had discovered. . . . It is
amazing the mysterious power of Zero. . . .
I saw it all through to-night, though I
stupidly would not recognise it. At times,
it struck me, there was a fitfulness when
the laws I have discovered were suspended.
Then a flash of instinct or genius must take
its place. But for these distractions I could
have coined money to-night. But I do not
want that. I shall only just get back my
own.

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