that it is a subject of rejoicing to all persons with
nerves that the whole of the other notes are
destitute of all sound, except that which would
be produced by striking a piece of firewood with
a knife-handle.

The portentous and bewildering misery of the
Tristisseum, which, like everything else
connected with the place, is colossal, has been
remarked upon by many persons; but few, if any,
know to what train of circumstances this
melancholy is to be attributed. The Eye-witness can
enlighten the public in this matter. He has
discovered that there exists in this capital a
society called "THE MISANTHROPIC SOCIETY," to
whose agency are attribiitable many remarkable
features of this metropolis, to which allusion
may on future occasions be made, but which are
brought more especially in connexion with the
present report, for reasons which shall be
presently explained.

The members of the London Misanthropic
Society are men of considerable wealth, who
yet hire themselves out in certain capacities
which the means at their disposal render
it wholly unnecessary that they should engage
themselves in. They are ever ready to accept
situations as lecturers on the polarisation
of light, or the formation of strata, at our
scientific institutions. They will undertake to
keep order during the longest speeches delivered
at Exeter Hall; and they clamour for employment
as bell-ringers at all chapels where they
may be allowed to perform twice a day for three
quarters of an hour upon a bell of impaired and
cracked constitution.

The habits of the Misanthropic Society are
as remarkable as their principles. They meet
every wet Sunday in a large building belonging
to them, situated in the New-road. This
assembly-room is bounded on the right by an
Hospital for Spinal Curvatures; on the left by a
Widows' Cap Depôt; over the way is a Penitentiary;
and a reservoir, and a Particular
Baptists' Chapel, are within easy view of the
windows. Every member of the company lives in
Pentonville, and they all drive, on the wet
Sundays before mentioned, to their rendezvous
in separate mourning coaches, except the
president, who travels reclining at length, and
reading a good newspaper by a dark lantern
—in a one-horse hearse.

Your Eye-witness had no sooner heard of the
existence of this society, than he at once resolved
to join it, feeling that such great revelations and
discoveries would result from his taking that
step, that it was nothing less than his absolute
duty to do so. He has not been disappointed.
Having signed his indentures and pledged
himself to dress in black, to shave off his beard,
retaining, however, a pair of whiskers, and to wear
a mohair stock; having declared his determination
to abstain henceforth from all wines and
fermented liquors; having generally professed
his readiness to discourage all schemes tending
to enliven the metropolis or its inhabitants, and
to foster and encourage to the utmost all such
projects as appeared in all reasonable probability
likely to bore, harass, and depress the town and
its inhabitants as aforesaid; your E.-W. was
duly elected, and having taken lodgings in a
back street in Pentonville, and ordered a mourning
coach to call there and take him up, found
himself at the Society's Rooms on the very next
Sunday:—which happened to be one of those days
combining in a felicitous manner the fullest
measure of moisture, with a sharp and cutting
east wind.

The hidden mysteries connected with the
initiation of a new member by the Misanthropic
Society are extremely awful, but your Eye-
witness is bound by so dreadful an oath not to
reveal them, that upon that part of the
subject he remains tongue-tied. All he dares to
divulge is, that the members meet in a large
apartment, the blinds of which are drawn down;
that they sit upon Windsor chairs round a deal
table, each with a glass of cold water before
him, and read papers of their own writing. As
soon as every member has read his paper, and
finished his tumbler of water, the society
proceeds to business.

It was at this period and stage of the
proceedings that your Eye-witness made the great
discovery which he now designs to give to the
world. He found to his amazement that it is
part of the system of the Misanthropic Society
to get hold of such public places of amusement
as their immense wealth puts within their grasp,
and to support one by the proceeds of another.
Let us take a special instance.

Your faithful witness has seen with his own eyes
the LEASE OF THE TRISTISSEUM. Of that
melancholy building, the Society are the real lessees. It
was before him on a giant roll of parchment
which he strove in vain wholly to unrol. It would
curl up tight as fast as it was unfurled, and
your E.-W. could only see a fragment of this
deed at a time, strive as hard as he would. He
saw, however, enough to explain a great deal.
He saw that the document required that the
building should be kept in untenantable disrepair;
that it should be inadequately lighted;
that no mops, brooms, or pails of water should
be used within its walls; that to repaper, or
paint, or scrape any portion of it should forfeit
the lease; that the introduction of so much as a
single pail of whitewash, or block of hearth-
stone, or square of soap, should involve the
same penalty; that every tendency in the papers
on the walls to peel off, or the plaster to crack
and crumble to the earth, and in the ceilings to
mildew, should be cultivated in the highest
degree; that the principal saloon should be in
the centre of the building, and should be so
surrounded by other apartments that the external
air should never reach it; that portrait busts
without labels, should abound, and be placed on
pedestals which should wobble when touched;
that a general tendency to much bare and echoing
corridor should be encouraged. That no
first-class exhibition of any kind or sort should
take place within the walls; that no singers or
players of eminence were to be admitted, nor
any gentleman allowed to give an entertainment