contain no fewer than four allusions of a watery
nature, as thus:—No. 1. Going to the Bath.—
No. 2. William IV.—No. 3. Coming from the
Bath.—No. 4. Bust: General Sir R. Ferguson.
5. Boy and Frog: design for Fountain; and
No. 6. DELUGE. This is to be a specimen of
the general arrangement to be observed, and it
is further suggested that there should be many
figures introduced, dressed with scarfs: a form
of garment more suggestive of cold than any
other that hath been devised, and infinitely
more so than none. And because no person
hath ever derived any comfort from a
contemplation of plaster Cupids, let such images abound
and meet the visitor's eye in all such parts of
the Saloon as shall be capable of accommodating
them.
One more clause of this remarkable lease.
The exact wording of the document shall be
given in this case, as the subject is very
important: "And WHEREAS it hath come
to the knowledge of the noble society and
guild called the London Misanthropic
Society, that in spite of the provision of
dulness and gloom set forth in the preceding
paragraphs of this agreement, and which provision
is on a scale which might be expected to satisfy
the most exacting of audiences, that yet the
moneys taken at the door of the building called
the Tristisseum are insufficient for the
maintenance of the said building, and wholly
inadequate to the keeping up of the succession of
entertainments hereinbefore specified; and WHEREAS
it is the firm determination of the London
Misanthropic Society that the said building and the
entertainments shall be maintained and kept up,
whether duly supported and sustained by the
public or not: IT HATH THEREFORE BEEN
RESOLVED AND DETERMINED by the aforesaid
society or guild that a certain portion or portions
of the moneys, profits, gains, and emoluments
derived from another of their possessions or
properties to be hereinafter designated, shall be
appropriated to the keeping up of the buildings,
dwelling apartments, theatres, saloons, lobbies,
out-houses, dripping caverns, waterfalls, lonely
pools, and all other parts and appurtenances
of or belonging to the said Tristisseum, and
also to the payment of the lecturers, givers
of entertainments, singers of songs, welders
of glass, and all other persons promoting the
misery of the frequenters of the said Tristisseum,
in due and fit proportion to the services
rendered by all such persons to the honourable
society to whom the said Tristisseum of right
belongs:—and WHEREAS it hath been decided
that the funds to be appropriated to the above
purposes shall be drawn from the said society's
richest and most profitable source of emolument
and gain, which is above and beyond all others
the entertainment called the Tussaud Collection
in Baker-street,—IT HATH THEREFORE BEEN
DECREED that such dividends or sums as may be
required for the maintenance of the exhibitions
and performances above described shall be
withdrawn from the profits of the said Tussaud
Collection, and escheated to the said Colosseum,
and to the provision necessary for the
maintenance of the same."
Shall these things go on, and shall the
Misanthropic Society have it all its own way? Surely
not. Let us consider the remedy.
There appeared a week or two since in the
columns of this journal, a communication from the
father of a large family of boys, in which it was
suggested that certain establishments should be
opened for the use of schoolboys during the
holidays, where the means for every kind of
bodily exercise and amusement should be
provided, and where they might spend the day
innocuously to others and profitably to themselves.
By all means let this suggestion be carried out,
and by all means let the Tristisseum be one of
the first district Branch Boy Depôts, organised
under this new system. How much employment
might be furnished to these youngsters were
the place taken for them as it now stands, and
handed over to them just as it is! Let the
boys be loosened upon this place. Let youths
who are bringing up to the engineering profession,
see what they can do in the way of blasting
the rocks of the Alpine Department. Let
dumpy levels and theodolites be brought to
bear. Let them sap, and mine, and countermine,
and revel in fosse and counterscarp to
their hearts' content. Let them assail the
waterfall. Let them turn it off, mop it up, stanch
it, in any way. that their ingenuity may suggest.
Let them besiege the foreign city by moonlight,
and reduce that city (it is nearly invisible
already) to dust. Then, for mere amusement,
what a fund of diversion lurks for them in every
nob, spike, recess, and projection of the Stalactite
Caverns! Then the Statues—what opportunities
of mutilation are here! how many plaster
noses invite the hammer! There is a colossal
statue of the late Sir Robert Peel, which is so
tall, that the smiling Premier only just fits in
under the ceiling of the corridor in which he
stands. There is a deal of breaking, in a statue
like that. Once let the boys be loosened on
this grim and terrible place, and we might
do well yet. Let them drive the
Misanthropic Society from this their chief stronghold,
and then we will proceed to a consideration of
other inroads upon their property, and other
subtle and ingenious methods of loosening the
hold which this deadly guild has established upon
our injured and unresisting metropolis.
The Fourth Journey of
THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER,
A SERIES OF OCCASIONAL JOURNEYS,
BY CHARLES DICKENS,
Will appear in No. 46.
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