subservient titter, which spreads in concentric and
enlarging rings over the smooth surface of the
back benches on these humorous pebbles being
dropped into it, only makes me feel utterly
wretched and degraded.

But I can burst with dismal laughter, and
swell the melancholy haw-haw, when I read
those mediaeval legends, set out in a kind of
legal saga unfolded in the "gesta," told gravely
and with circumstance, concerning the rise of
young barristerial men into heroes and chiefs.
I am confident that judicious critical analysis
will resolve these early narratives into lays or
mythic odes chanted by professional bards at
the suppers of the heroes. Doe, the son of
Thirstout, will take the harp, and sing the
praises of his chief, now weary with the toils of
the day, and filled with wine. His bow and
spear, the familiar bag, lies near him, shrunken
and esurient. There is desolation in the dwelling
of Morna the plaintiff, for he hath demurred,
and set him aside with costs, and he now lieth
low in his halls. He will take the harp then,
and sing to his chieftain's glory. I say we know
the elements of the legend, reproducing
themselves with loathsome iteration. The young
chief has sat and sat on the back benches of
his tribe in the old blind faith of his tribe—of
incubating himself at last into brilliant and
substantial practice. The young chief puts on his war
paint daily, goes down to the great wigwam in
horsehair casque, cristatus, and incubates
patiently. Years go by, and nothing comes.
Suddenly, the legend goes on to tell, an aged chief,
with many scalps in his bag, is taken with a fit,
breaks a limb on the pavement of the hall, and
his duty falls to the young chief. Then, it all
comes out in a torrent, the world is electrified,
and the young chief is glorified for evermore.

Some tender trusting hearts—sweet-sucking
infant barristers—do positively cling to the
belief, that engrossing familiars are ever on the
watch for smart Precocious, and would willingly
snap him up—nay, that there is competition
among the familiars for his forward and deserving
talent. And that they have their eye especially
on youths with extraordinary sitting powers.
Let me be not the man to disturb this sweet
dream, and so let the poor souls sit and sit and
wait their promised attorney.

It is beautiful to see my learned friends and
leaders, when compromise is imminent, lavishing
upon each other a cloud of forensic endearments
and legal caresses. Then does Badger, Q.C.,
plunge over suddenly and adhere, as it were,
to his learned friend Boggs on the other side,
placing his arm about him in affectionate
sympathy, hugging him as though he were rather
nearer and dearer than a blood relation. The
trumpets had sounded for a parley, when
Badger, Q.C., had said, " If your ludship 'ud 'low
me—'k'nfer with my learned friend, I think—
ludship—case fur settlement!" and when Boggs,
too, had added in sad tones, as though deprecating
the curse of law generally, that " indeed, my
lud, it would be most advisable that this
disastrous course of litigation should not be further
persevered in!" And then wigged heads of my
learned friends being laid together, and my
young learned friend without the bar who is
junior counsel in the matter having contributed
his head from behind, and the whole becoming
a kind of interlaced mass and legal Laocoon
with furred tops, jerking up and down with the
spasmodic motion of what are called dampers
in a pianoforte, the elements for a consultation
are complete. Presently, the forensic Agapemone
becomes dissolved, and Badger, Q.C., is on his
feet telling his ludship that this unhappy litigation
will not go further, that his learned friends
have agreed to take a verdict by consent, and
that each party are to " abide" their own costs.
Woodcock, C.J., then pronounces gravely that
if there ever was a case for a settlement it is
the present, shuts up his note-book with a click,
and thinks he will go down quietly and dine at
Richmond. How he would have leant on
Badger's client, and shut him up, and crushed
him, and finally charged dead against him, had
he, Badger, dared, after that amatory consultation
and waste of time, to proceed with his
case!

I see no reason—summing up, as it were, the
whole case—why a patent should not be issued
for a new-theatre to be called the Theatre Royal,
Westminster, where comedy, tragedy, light
farce, and, above all, pantomime, may be acted
all the year round. It's a pity that the excellent
loose elements, which it is well known are
dispersed up and down the law, should not be at
once and forthwith incorporated. Perhaps, from
a reasonable regard to vested interests, such a
step would not be tolerated; for, no one can
doubt but that there would result a dangerous
rivalry, and but too successful competition. We
have an admirable stage; plain but suitable
scenery, a green-room, and property-man below;
complete dresses, appointments, and decorations,
and above all charge nothing at the doors. In
the library we have the most amusing pieces
already written, and, should we open by next
Christmas, can promise a most diverting comico-
tragico-farcico-melodramatico pantomime, called
Harlequin John Doe; or, the Adventures of
Fi-fa, and the Beautiful Princess Whiteacre.
We would have dazzling " acts" in plenty, and
the last scene should be a superb " set piece," a
glorified sun revolving in the centre, and the
statute of frauds rising slowly from the sea.

Now ready, price Fourpence,
A MESSAGE FROM THE SEA.
FORMING THE
EXTRA DOUBLE NUMBER
FOR CHRISTMAS.

The right of Translating Articles from ALL THE YEAR ROUND is reserved by the Authors.