lain down to rest in Satis House, and sleep
refused to come near me. A thousand Miss
Havishams haunted me. She was on this side of
my pillow, on that, at the head of the bed, at
the foot, behind the half-opened door of the
dressing-room, in the dressing-room, in the room
overhead, in the room beneath—everywhere. At
last, when the night was slow to creep on towards
two o'clock, I felt that I absolutely could no
longer bear the place as a place to lie down in,
and that I must get up. I therefore got up and
put on my clothes, and went out across the yard
into the long stone passage, designing to gain
the outer court-yard and walk there for the relief
of my mind. But I was no sooner in the passage
than I extinguished my candle; for, I saw Miss
Havisham going along it in a ghostly manner,
making a low cry. I followed her at a distance,
and saw her go up the staircase. She carried a
bare candle in her hand, which she had probably
taken from one of the sconces in her own room,
and was a most unearthly object by its light.
Standing at the bottom of the staircase, I felt
the mildewed air of the feast-chamber, without
seeing her open the door, and I heard her walking
there, and so across into her own room, and
so across again into that, never ceasing the low
cry. After a time, I tried in the dark both to get
out, and to go back, but I could do neither until
some streaks of day strayed in and showed me
where to lay my hands. During the whole
interval, whenever I went to the bottom of the
staircase, I heard her footstep, saw her light pass
above, and heard her ceaseless low cry.

Before we left next day, there was no revival
of the difference between her and Estella, nor
was it ever revived on any similar occasion; and
there were four similar occasions, to the best of
my remembrance. Nor, did Miss Havisham's
manner towards Estella in anywise change,
except that I believed it to have something like fear
infused among its former characteristics.

It is impossible to turn this leaf of my life,
without putting Bentley Drummle's name upon
it; or I would, very gladly.

On a certain occasion when the Finches were
assembled in force, and when good feeling was
being promoted in the usual manner by nobody's
agreeing with anybody else, the presiding Finch
called the Grove to order, forasmuch as Mr.
Drummle had not yet toasted a lady; which,
according to the solemn constitution of the
society, it was the brute's turn to do that day.
I thought I saw him leer in an ugly way at me
while the decanters were going round, but as
there was no love lost between us, that might
easily be. What was my indignant surprise
when he called upon the company to pledge him
to "Estella!"

"Estella who?" said I.

"Never you mind," retorted Drummle.

"Estella of where?" said I. "You are
bound to say of where." Which he was, as a
Finch.

"Of Richmond, gentlemen," said Drummle,
putting me out of the question, "and a peerless
beauty."

Much he knew about peerless beauties, a
mean miserable idiot! I whispered Herbert.

"I know that lady," said Herbert, across the
table, when the toast had been honoured.

"Do you?" said Drummle.

"And so do I," I added, with a scarlet
face.

"Do you?" said Drummle. "Oh, Lord!"

This was the only retort—except glass or
crockery—that the heavy creature was capable
of making; but I became as highly incensed by
it as if it had been barbed with wit, and I
immediately rose in my place and said that I could
not but regard it as being like the honourable
Finch's impudence to come down to that Grove
—we always talked about coming down to that
Grove, as a neat Parliamentary turn of
expression—down to that Grove, proposing a lady
of whom he knew nothing. Mr. Drummle upon
this, starting up, demanded what I meant by
that? Whereupon, I made him the extreme
reply that I believed he knew where I was to
be found.

Whether it was possible in a Christian country
to get on without blood, after this, was a
question on which the Finches were divided.
The debate upon it grew so lively indeed,
that at least six more honourable members told
six more, during the discussion, that they
believed they knew where they were to be found.
However, it was decided at last (the Grove
being a Court of Honour) that if Mr. Drummle
would bring never so slight a certificate from
the lady, importing that he had the honour of her
acquaintance, Mr. Pip must express his regret,
as a gentleman and a Finch, for "having been
betrayed into a warmth which." Next day was
appointed for the production (lest our honour
should take cold from delay), and next day
Drummle appeared with a polite little avowal
in Estella's hand, that she had had the honour of
dancing with him several times. This left me
no course but to regret that I had been
"betrayed into a warmth which," and on the whole
to repudiate, as untenable, the idea that I was
to be found anywhere. Drummle and I then
sat snorting at one another for an hour, while
the Grove engaged in indiscriminate contradiction,
and finally the promotion of good feeling
was declared to have gone ahead at an amazing
rate.

I tell this lightly, but it was no light thing to
me. For, I cannot adequately express what
pain it gave me to think that Estella should
show any favour to a contemptible, clumsy,
sulky booby, so very far below the average. To
the present moment, I believe it to have been
referable to some pure fire of generosity and
disinterestedness in my love for her, that I could
not endure the thought of her stooping to that
hound. No doubt I should have been miserable
whomsoever she had favoured; but a worthier
object would have caused me a different kind
and degree of distress.

It was easy for me to find out, and I did soon
find out, that Drummle had begun to follow her
closely, and that she allowed him to do it. A little