supposed, an evidence of generosity that a
man is in this way what is called "ready with
his money." It is much more an evidence of
vanity and love of approbation. A man is afraid
of being thought mean, or worse, ignorant of the
ways of the world, or, worse than all—poor;
and so he impoverishes himself, turns his
liberality aside from channels in which it might
do good, or, perhaps, neglects just claims upon
him in order that he may obtain the good
opinion of the servants'-hall, or be thought a
fine fellow by a railway porter or a tavern waiter.
I have said that it is my belief that only very
stringent measures will meet this defect in our
system, and I repeat it. The class of persons
whose money is their sole claim to respect is a
large one, and their readiness to make large
purchases in the respect-market is very great, and
I believe that nothing short of a conviction on
the part of a domestic servant that he would
lose his place, or on the part of a railway porter
that he would infallibly be discharged, would
enable either of those functionaries to repulse
with sufficient vigour the overtures of one who
is expending his capital in buying, literally,
"golden opinions of all sorts of men."

Of course, in the case of domestic servants it
would be very difficult to find a remedy for the
evil. The subject is a very delicate one, and the
master of a house could hardly speak of it to a
guest. Still, were public attention directed to
the finding of a remedy, one need not despair.
But with regard to the other class—the railway
porter, and the hotel or tavern servant—there is
no sort of obstacle in the way of a great and
most desirable change. Once let it be distinctly
understood that the salaried servant of a railway
company or the paid waiter at an hotel would
be most certainly discharged it' he received a fee,
let this be no empty threat, but a system
vigilantly and strictly carried out, and there would
be an end of the evil. The consequence would
be that a very vexatious extortion, for which it
must be remembered the victim must be
prepared at the moment with the proper change,
would be done away with, one item in the list of
the traveller's annoyances would be removed,
and those whose circumstances render it necessary
that their expenses should be curtailed as
much as possible, would not be exposed to
neglectful and careless treatment, while porters
and waiters are bestowing all their favours upon
the gentleman whose finger and thumb, hovering
about the region of his waistcoat-pocket, seem
to suggest that their attentions will not pass
unacknowledged.

Vale, valete, I would gladly say to the whole
tribe of vales. Many is the unhappy moment
that a man passes while undecided as to how
much he is expected to give in such unsatisfactory
alms. It is hard to settle this matter
well to a shilling; and then how uncomfortable
you feel, as you stand at the hotel door waiting
for your cab, with an insufficiently fee'd waiter
at your side, eyeing you in a disparaging manner.
How one hates that man during that short period!
Miserable you feel if you have not given enough;
a weak fool if you have bestowed too much:
there is no satisfactory medium, depend upon it.

I am not at all sure which I hate most: the
contemptuous and malignant conduct of the
waiter who has not had enough, or the mean,
slavering, unmanly, snivelling, obsequious
officiousness of the overpaid official. Certainly, in
the case of the first, one feels one's self-respect
unimpaired; while with the last-mentioned
sycophant, hovering smilingly about, whisking off
bits of dust from one's coat, making remarks
upon the weather, bowing, smirking, and fawning
at every turn, I feel ashamed for him and of
myself, and not to be relieved till the cab door
has shut him out, and he has returned to the
coffee-room to cringe before the next victim.

But even when we have got clear of the train,
when we have left our friend's country-house and
got fairly away from the hotel waiters, we have
still not done with the gratuity nuisance. If
Black Care sits behind the horseman, does it not
sit before the driver in a fly or hired brougham,
in the person of the coachman. All the time
that I am driving home from that dinner-party
at Camberwell, I do not mind owning that I am
mentally occupied in trying to decide whether
I will give the coachman eighteen-pence, two
shillings, or half-a-crown. I tear my brain to
pieces with indecision on this subject. My wife
and my sister are in the carriage with me,
and doubtless think, as I am looking from the
window, that I am observing the objects which
we pass, as we whisk along the gas-lit road. It
is not so my mind is entirely occupied with
the arithmetical problem just mentioned, till
at last I say to myself, "Perish the lucre!" and
decide on the half-crown, which is a great deal
too much, in order to get rid of the matter,
and be able to join my companions comfortably
in pitching into the guests with whom we
have just been mingling. Why is that
pleasure, that great pleasure, to be mitigated, and
shorn of half its delights by the presence of
that half-crown floating about my mind? Why
does not that man—how I hate his back as he
sits there on the coach-box occupied with much
the same thoughts which are tormenting me
inside! why does not that man, I repeat,
receive a salary from his master? What right
has his employer to hire him, and then expect
me to pay his wages?

Why, again, am I to pay the wages of the box-
opener when I go to the play? At one theatre in
the metropolis, and at one only, am I kept faith
with in that respect. May that theatre prosper.
It does prosper. Long may it continue to do
so. May its pieces run, as one of them has
already, for hundreds of nights. Even were the
dramatic entertainment at the New Adelphi
many degrees less admirable than it is, it would
be a pleasure to go there simply on account of
the noble way in which the gratuity nuisance has
there been abolished by Mr. Webster. The civility
and attention which you receive at that theatre
exceed any to be met with elsewhere, and not
one penny may be received by any one of the
box-openers or other officials. Rigorously is