retain me for another year; but my father was
inexorable, and home I had to go.

"My dear," said she, as we parted, "when
your father placed you under my care, he knew
what my sentiments were with regard to slavery
—that I was opposed to the whole system, and
that I looked with contempt on that feeling of
abhorrence which is generally entertained, even
in the free states, for all persons of negro
descent. If your father had objected to the free
expression of my opinions, I could not have
undertaken your tuition. I have earnestly
endeavoured to imbue you with my own feelings on
this question of humanity and justice, and I look
to you to do all that may lie in your power to
mitigate the horrors of the system, and raise the
character of those unfortunate beings whom
your father owns: so that, if it shall please God
to grant you the glorious privilege of emancipating
any of your fellow-creatures, you may
have the satisfaction of feeling that you have
conferred freedom on persons who are really
capable of benefiting by its blessings."

She promised that her thoughts and prayers
should be with me in my holy labour.

I was only sixteen when I went to my father's
to live, in a very hot-bed of slavery. If I had
been older, perhaps I might have withstood for
a longer time the force of example and custom.
I say perhaps, for I have known men and women
coming out from free England, resisting the
system of the lash for a certain time, and then
gradually succumbing to its use. I have known
even ladies of good education use the cowhide
until the feminine softness of the eye was
changed to a tyrannical hardness.

But I did for a time strive to do some good,
beginning with those placed immediately under
me. I did this, too, under great discouragement;
for my father, at the very first when he
welcomed me home, told me with stern decision
that I must at once forget all the sentimental
trash I had learnt in the North. I ventured
timidly to put in a word about kindness.

"Kindness, my girl? I feed my niggers well,
and clothe them well, don't overwork them, nurse
them when they are sick or old; but, if I were
to rule with what you call kindness instead of
cowhide, I should be a ruined man in three
months."

The slaves about us were dreadfully demoralised.
My kindness—for I did begin by being
excessively kind and indulgent—was mistaken for
weakness. I was laughed at. The work of the
house was wretchedly attended to. Then my
father interfered; his remedy was effectual, and
everything went well with the lash.

I became weary and disheartened, but I had
still one great hope in which I firmly trusted:
an appeal to reason and affection. Surely, I
thought, with human beings, however low, there
must be a response to such an appeal, that
response being the proof of their humanity. The
very strength of my conviction in this matter
led to error. I made my attempt with great
earnestness and resolution, and signally failed.
To mention one instance—there was a girl
specially appointed to wait on me. I devoted
hours of labour to the task of developing a
better nature in her soul, but it was all in vain.
My shallow vanity led me to believe that what I
had done was remedy enough for all her defects
of a moral growth, for all her dwarfing from the
cradle, and in consequence of my failure I
gradually adopted the creed that men and women
with African blood in their veins belonged to
a lower humanity; that there was a great gulf
fixed between their nature and mine; that we
were not equals in the sight of God.

I succeeded in making myself feared, and all
things then, to my father's great satisfaction,
apparently went well in the house; but, looking
back now, I can see how terribly my own nature
was affected. All those valuable qualities of
patience, of forbearance, of restraint on sudden
impulse, which ought to govern our dealings with
those round about us, were destroyed. My will
must never be thwarted for a moment. I grew
to be quickly incensed at the slightest opposition.
In my way I was kind, just as my father was kind
—kind, as people are kind to lower animals.

My father praised me for the excellent manner
in which the household arrangements were now
conducted.

"I let you come round of yourself to common
sense, my dear," he said, with a smile. "I
knew six months would teach you the proper
kindness for niggers."

At this period, to strengthen me still further
in my impious creed, came my introduction to
my cousin, Abel Duncan.

I had observed from my window a stranger
arrive at the house—on business with my father,
I supposed—and went on with what I was about.
After some time I was attracted by loud talking
in my father's business-room; it was evident
that an angry discussion was taking place. In
fear lest something serious might occur, I
ventured to knock at the door, on pretence
of asking a question about household affairs.
From the few words which caught my ears, the
dispute appeared to be about money matters,
and I could see that my father was in a towering
passion. My presence, however, seemed to cast
a sudden restraint upon him.

"Clara!" he exclaimed, "here's your cousin
Abel I've so often told you about; go, and kiss
him, and say how pleased you are to see him—
your only cousin, recollect."

I went towards him at my father's bidding,
but my cousin seemed to shrink away from me. I
attributed this, at the time, to bashfulness.

"Abel!" exclaimed my father, in a passionate
voice. And then my cousin came forward and
gave me a kiss, but the kiss seemed to hiss
through his lips.

"Your cousin Abel comes from the North,"
said my father; "so you two can worship the
niggers together."

"Uncle knows how I worship them," laughed
Abel. "That story goes down in the North,
that both we and the Britishers would cry out
loud enough for cowhide, if the cotton supply
stopped."