of fried beef; to the Bengal tiger, Porkinson, I
throw a grilled fowl; before the hippopotamus,
Puddington, I scatter a panful of potatoes and
frizzled bacon; and into the den of the
boa-constrictor, Perkins, I cast a great blanket of ham
omelette. There is much growling and gnashing
and snarling and beating of bars, and then there
is nothing; and to my infinite relief Bovington,
Porkinson, Puddington, and Perkins rise to take
their departure for the day. And as Bovington
is putting himself into his double-caped top-coat,
he says:

"What time do you dine, old fellow?"

"Ah, to be sure," says Porkinson. " What's
your hour?"

With faltering accents I mention the hour of
six.

"All right," says Bovington; " I'll be here."

And Porkinson, Puddington, and Perkins all
express the same resolve in the most assuring
manner.

"And now, gentlemen," says Bovington, " I'll
tell you what my plans are for the day. I mean
first of all to visit the Cattle Show; then I shall
go to the Tower, and see the crown jewels; after
that I shall come up the river and view the
Houses of Parliament, the Queen's palace, and
the palace of the Archbishop of Canterbury;
and finally, I shall look into the British Museum
and inspect the original Magna Charta, which I
am told is preserved in the manuscript department.
Now, if you, gentlemen, approve this
plan, we may as well all go together; and if we
part company or lose each other, why, we shall
all meet again round Simpkins's hospitable board
at six."

Mr. Bovington's programme met with general
approval, the places he mentioned being exactly
those which Porkinson, Puddington, and Perkins,
as true Britons, proud of their country and its
glorious institutions, desired above all things
to see. So Bovington, Porkinson, Puddington,
and Perkins, went forth to view the national
lions.

With a full knowledge of the programme of
proceedings which my visitors had chalked out
for themselves, I was somewhat surprised by
the sudden and unexpected return of Perkins at
noon.

"I dare say you wonder to see me back so
soon," said Perkins, emerging from a cab,
carefully carrying some large and apparently fragile
article, elaborately wrapped up in brown paper;
"but the fact is, I met in with a bargain, and
I thought I'd better bring it home myself in
case of accidents."

"What is it, Perkins?"

"A magnificent or-molu and china clock,"
said Perkins; " bought it a great bargain at an
auction in the Strand; just the very thing I
wanted for my drawing-room mantelshelf. It's
really a splendid clock, and dirt cheap at four
pounds."

Mr. Perkins was quite flushed with exultation,
and cut the twine and tore off the brown
paper which enshrouded his treasure with
nervous impatience.

"Halloa!" he exclaimed, suddenly.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Why," said Perkins, " this is not the clock
I bought!"

"Not the clock!"

"No, I should think not: look at it; all the
gilding worn off, the glass cracked, and one of
the hands wanting."

"Well, it is not a very magnificent affair,
Perkins; and, at four pounds, I think is rather
dear."

"Rather dear! I should think so. There's
some mistake, or else I've been shamefully
cheated. But I'll not be done. I'll take it
back, and if they don't give me the clock I
bought and paid for, I shall apply to a
magistrate."

"I certainly should, if I were you."

" I shall, you may depend upon it," said
Perkins; and with that he wrapped up his
bargain, and was off in another cab to the
Strand.

Perkins had not been long gone when the
servitor entered to say that a person wanted to
see me.

"Who is the person?"

"He didn't give his name, sir; but he says
he comes from the hospital."

"The hospital! Who can he be! What can
he want?"

On being introduced, the person explained
that he had been sent from the hospital to
inform me that a gentleman had been brought in
there in a state of insensibility, and that, on
searching his pockets, a card had been found
bearing my name and address. The two ideas
which this information called up in my mind
were Bovington and apoplexy, succeeded
immediately by a vision of Puddington and paralysis,
dissolving as quickly into a view of Perkins in
a fit.

As the messenger could give me no further
information, I hurried to the hospital, to learn
the terrible truth for myself. It was
Puddington! At the moment of my arrival he was
under treatment with the stomach-pump.
Presently it was announced that he had recovered
his senses, and I was admitted to see him. The
pallor which overspread Puddington's countenance
I should not nave thought possible.

"Halloa, Puddington! What's happened, old
fellow?"

When Puddington had collected his scattered
senses a little, he whispered in reply,
"Skittles!" and, on being questioned further,
murmured of " old ale; " and then babbled vaguely
of his " watch and money,"

Puddington soon recovered himself, and I took
him home in a cab, and placed him in an
armchair by the side of the fire.

"Cheer up, Puddington," I said; " Bovington,
and Porkinson, and Perkins will be here
shortly, and we'll have dinner, and you'll soon
be all right, and sing us a song."

These words of consolation were scarcely out
of my mouth when I heard the accents of
Porkinson — loud and angry — in the hall. The next