room. Punctually at nine My Grand opens the
proceedings amid profound silence. The deputy
buries himself in his newspaper, and maintains
as profound a calm as the Speaker " in another
place." I have seen the parliamentary functionary
open the arms of his massive state chair,
which have " practicable" lids, and, taking out
writing materials, scribble private letters on his
knee during the long and dull debates, and have
smiled at the straits to which the first commoner
in England has been reduced. My Grand's
deputy continues to imitate the Speaker in
his profound abstraction, while my Grand
himself pours out an even flood of rhetoric.
" The events of the week" form the subject
of discussion, and tlie orator opens the ball
by an epitome of the newspaper intelligence
of the last seven days. The digest of a weekly
newspaper is fairly comprehensive, but my
Grand exceeds this in versatility and length.
Giving running comments as he goes, he passes
from Bethnal-green and the poor laws, to Italy
and the Pope; from the last phase of Fenianism
to the natural perfidy of Napoleon; from the
decisions of the police magistrates of London
to King Theodore's victims in Abyssinia. My
Grand is sarcastic on " the hopeless dulness of
the middle-class intellect;" and when complimentary
to the charity and personal usefulness
of Roman Catholic priests, it is as an honourable
opponent who pats a vanquished enemy on
the back. He is satirical again upon the enormous
stupidity of governments in general, and
the transcendent ignorance and fatuity of the
British Government in particular. He denounces
Fenianism, pities distress, sympathises
with misfortune, approves right, and denunciates
wrong; while the Thoughtful Men about him sip
their glasses gravely, emit huge columns of
smoke, and give meditative grunts of approval
or dissent. The'most perfect order is preserved.
The Speaker or deputy, who seems to know all
about it, rolls silently in his chair: he is a fat dark
man, with a small and rather sleepy eye, such
as I have seen come to the surface and wink
lazily at the fashionable people clustered round
a certain tank in the Zoological Gardens. He
refolds his newspaper from time to time, until
deep in the advertisements. The waiters silently
remove empty tumblers and tankards, and
replace them full. But My Grand commands
profound attention from the room, and a neighbour,
who afterwards proved a perfect Boanerges in
debate, whispered to us concerning his vast
attainments and high literary position.

This chieftain of the Thoughtful Men is, we
learn, the leading contributor to a newspaper of
large circulation, and, under his signature of
"Locksley Hall," rouses the sons of toil to a
sense of the dignity and rights of labour, and
exposes the profligacy and corruption of the rich
to the extent of a column and a quarter every
week. A shrewd, hard-headed man of business,
with a perfect knowledge of what he had to do,
and with a humorous twinkle of the eye, my
Grand went steadily through his work, and gave
the Thoughtful Men his epitome of the week's
intelligence. It seemed clear that the Cogers
had either not read the newspapers, or liked
to be told what they already knew. They
listened with every token of interest to facts
which had been published for days, and it
seemed difficult to understand how a debate
could be carried on when the text admitted
so little dispute. But we sadly underrated
the capacity of the orators near us. The
sound of my Grand's last sentence had not
died out, when a fresh-coloured, rather
aristocratic-looking elderly man, whose white hair
was carefully combed and smoothed, and whose
appearance and manner suggested a very
different arena to the one he waged battle in
now, claimed the attention of the Thoughtful
ones. Addressing " Mee Grand" in the rich and
unctuous tones which a Scotchman and Englishman
might try for in vain, this orator proceeded,
with every profession of respect, to contradict
most of the chief's statements, to ridicule his
logic, and to compliment him with much irony
on his overwhelming goodness to the society " to
which I have the honour to belong. Full of
that hard northern logic" (much emphasis on
" northern," which was warmly accepted as a
hit by the room) — " that hard northern logic
which demonstrates everything to its own
satisfaction; abounding in that talent which makes
you, sir, a leader in politics, a guide in theology,
and generally an instructor of the people; yet
even you, sir, are perhaps, if I may say so,
somewhat deficient in the lighter graces of
pathos and humour. Your speech, sir, has
commanded the attention of the room. Its close
accuracy of style, its exactitude of expression,
its consistent argument, and its generally
transcendent ability will exercise, I doubt not, an
influence which will extend far beyond this
chamber, filled as this chamber is by gentlemen
of intellect and education, men of the time, who
both think and feel, and who make their feelings
and their thoughts felt by others. Still, sir,"
and the orator smiles the smile of ineffable
superiority, " grateful as the members of the society
you have so kindly alluded to ought to be for
your countenance and patronage, it needed not"
(turning to the Thoughtful Men generally, with
a sarcastic smile) — " it needed not even Mee
Grand's encomiums to endear this society to its
people, and to strengthen their belief in its efficacy
in time of trouble, its power to help, to relieve,
and to assuage. No, Mee Grand, an authoritee
whose dictum even you will accept without
dispute — mee Lord Macaulee — that great historian
whose undying page records those struggles and
trials of constitutionalism in which the Cogers
have borne no mean part — mee Lord Macaulee
mentions, with a respect and reverence not
exceeded by Mee Grand's utterances of to-night,"
(more smiles of mock humility to the room) " that
great association which claims me as an
unworthy son. We could, therefore, have
dispensed with the recognition given us by Mee
Grand; we could afford to wait our time until
the nations of the earth are fused by one
common wish for each other's benefit, when the
principles of Cogerism are spread over the
civilised world, when justice reigns supreme,