glasses of gin and bitters that they were quite
drunk before the dinner began. They were
very playful over the dinner-table, and when a
gentleman of the vestry was politely asked to
hand a potato, he literally did hand it—that is
to say, he took it from the dish with his hand
cried 'play,' and bowled it at the honourable
gentleman who had made the request. The
potato took the gentleman's wicket between
the eyes. The gentlemen of the vestry of the
parish of St. Piggins followed at this feast a
well known practice of the gourmets of ancient
Rome, whereby they were enabled, after two
hours of eating, to begin all over again. The
Romans, I believe, retired for the middle part
of the process; but the gentlemen of the vestry,
with true modern comprehensiveness, performed
the whole operation without moving from the
table, except occasionally to slip under it. On
returning to town in the evening, the gentlemen
of the vestry of the parish of St. Piggins
occupied several railway carriages of the second
and third class, this being at their own expense,
and conducted themselves most joyously.
While some grovelled on the floor among the
sawdust, and were trodden under foot, others
smoked, and laughed, and chaffed, and threw
sticks at each other through the lamp-holes in
the ends of the carriages, and sung in chorus,
'Slap bang, here we are again, jolly dogs are
we.' They were such very jolly dogs that
persons who objected to extreme jollity were
afraid to come into the carriages, and there was
so much slapping and banging that I, one of
the parochial subjects of the jolly dogs, very
narrowly escaped being struck in the face with
a stick, which came flying into the carriage
through the lamp-hole. "I know all this of my
own knowledge, because I happened to be
dining that day at the Jolly Butchers, and to be
a passenger in the same train witli the gentlemen
of the vestry of the parish of St. Piggins,
who had dined together in the next room to
mine."

This is the report from St. Piggins. As an
inhabitant and a ratepayer of St. Sniffens, I
am proud to say that the gentlemen of our
vestry would scorn to be guilty of such excesses.
Like noble self-denying parish patriots, they
are content with 'alf a pint and a screw at the
Spotted Dog, at their own expense.

But let us return to the Vestry 'All,
where, owing to the enthusiasm of our local
representatives, the chairman is still protesting
that it is not his fault if the gentlemen don't
'ear.

I observe that while matters of a scandalous
nature excite interest and provoke lengthened
acrimonious discussion, the practical affairs of
the parish are almost invariably referred
back to the solicitors, or to some working
committee, upon which all the responsibility
is cast. On no question do the vestrymen
seem to be able to come to an intelligent
conclusion. If land is to be bought or
sold, there will be the widest difference of
opinion as to the value of it; if works are to
be executed, there will immediately arise a
wrangle as to the proper time for beginning it; if
some expenditure be proposed, it will be
sanctioned in total ignorance of conditions which
render the expenditure quite unnecessary and
gratuitous. As an example of the first, may be
mentioned a resolution to sell the Workhouse
to a railway company. The resolution was no
sooner passed than the vestry found that
it had made two mistakes; first in agreeing to
sell the Workhouse at all, and secondly in
asking a sum much below its value. As an
example of the last, I may adduce a discussion
which has just taken place with regard to the
cleansing of cowhouses. It was proposed to
pay one pound a ton for removing the refuse;
and this would have been carried, had not one
member of the vestry been aware of the fact
that the cowkeepers were bound by the terms
of their licenses to remove the refuse at their
own expense. On this occasion the ratepayers
were saved from a heavy charge by one in fifty.
How often does it happen that this one well-
informed person is not present, or that there is
not even one among them all who knows
anything about the matter in hand? The peroration
of an honourable member on the manure
question deserves to be recorded. These were
his remarkable words: "Take away the cow-
dung, and the 'orse-dung will take care of
itself;" which is putting the two articles in the
proverbial relation of pence and shillings. I
may add, that when the gentleman gave utterance
to the above sentiment, he parted his coat-
tails and sat down with the air of having said
something exceedingly clever.

The gentlemen of the vestry are constantly
at feud with their medical officer. A few
weeks ago the doctor presented a report, in
which he strongly recommended precautions
to be taken against cholera and typhus. As
cholera as well as typhus has already made
its appearance in the parish, his warning
was neither unnecessary nor premature. He
said:

"There are many reasons to fear that we
may be visited with cholera during the coming
year. The measures I am about to recommend
would be of great service to the public health
in any case; they would prepare us to resist
cholera, should it make its appearance; they
would be useful in checking typhus, which now
prevails, and in promoting the public health,
even in the absence of epidemic sickness."
The doctor goes on to state that our parish is
one of the most populous in the metropolis, and
that it should, therefore, have the character of
being the most prudent and energetic in
caring for the health of its population—a
character which it has not yet acquired. He
proceeds to show how cholera is invited, and
how, according to all medical experience, it
can best be guarded against. His advice is
so sensible and reasonable, and so temperately
urged, that I will quote another passage from his
report, with the double purpose of informing
the public on sanitary matters, and of showing