the indications afforded by ancient eclipses. Its
accurate determination must be a work of time.
Meanwhile, ladies and gentlemen, it was right
that you should be apprised of its existence.

              UNEASY SHAVING.

I WONDER whether a man is more likely to
be sleepless on the night before he is married,
or on the night before he is hanged! I have
experience of only the more blissful of these
two kinds of anticipation; but I confess that
the night before I was to be joined to my
beloved Julia in the bonds of wedlock was one
of the most restless I ever passed in my life. I
am a timid man, a nervous man, a man ever
painfully conscious of all his defects and deficiencies,
but never before had I felt such a poignant regret
that I could not add a couple of inches to my
stature; and when I reflected that I had never
had the courage to reveal to Julia a carefully
concealed bald spot on my head, which she would
now be sure to discover, to my shame and
confusion, my remorse was terrible. Then I thought
of that dark little parlour behind my shop in
the dingy village where I lived, and I felt how
dull Julia would find it after always sitting
engaged in tasteful millinery-work at her front
first-floor window in even that quiet street of
our country town.

The fact is—and I own it with humiliation—
I was not up to Julia's level. To be
sure, I had a nice snug little business in the
drapery, pin and needle, note paper, bacon,
and general line at our village, but surely Julia
was not the girl to be influenced by such a
consideration, and besides, she had a good
business and a hundred and fifty pounds of her own.
No, it must have been the depth of my devotion,
and I must do myself the credit of saying
that I was exceedingly devoted. I don't think
there was a single article in my shop—drapery,
grocery, needles and pins, note paper, bacon,
or general line—from which I had not sent her
presents of the best; and when I returned from
London in the spring, I brought her such a
shawl as my village—whatever may have been
the case with her town—had never seen or
dreamed of. Julia was so superior to me! Such
a magnificent brunette, at least three inches
taller than myself, with black hair, brilliant dark
eyes, splendid figure, such a walk, and such a
spirit! It was not until after many a fear,
and many a jealous doubt, that I had at length
prospered so well in my courtship. I had been
madly jealous when that young scamp of a
cousin of hers came home from sea; I had
been madly jealous of the inspector of police,
after the street row in which he behaved with
such distinguished gallantry; worse than all,
I had been madly jealous of her flirtation with
young Twiggs, of the militia staff, after the
review. It was my jealousy of that martial
Twiggs which drove me to the desperate
resolution of joining the Volunteers, and
expending the sum of four pounds in a suit of uniform.
But soldiering did not suit me. I might have
managed eventually to fire off a gun, but the
sight of cold glittering steel was too much for
my nerves, and the manners of the drill-sergeant
were so excessively rude that I was obliged to
give the thing up. Twiggs about the same time
retired from the militia, and no longer harassed
me by his hateful presence in the town; but
Julia's conduct still continued (to say the least
of it) excessively trying, and not until within
the last fortnight had I been able to induce her
to name the happy day. The prevailing feelings
of my heart were feelings of delight and triumph.
Still I was restless, horribly restless, and as I
heard the clock strike one hour after another,
I became painfully sensible of the injurious
effect that such restlessness would have on my
nerves and appearance for the following day.

I got up in the morning at a not very early
hour, and dressed myself with scrupulous care
in garments which, though by no means of
overpowering magnificence, were unmistakably
suggestive of matrimonial intentions. But when
I attempted to shave, my hand shook so as to
make it likely that the operation, if persevered
in, would be sanguinary. My beard grows with
a strength and determination which no one
acquainted with my character would suppose
possible unless he saw it. My beard is also of
a dirtyish yellow colour. I could not proceed
to church to meet my bride without having it
closely removed. I therefore determined to
step into some barber's shop and get it done.
And so I made my breakfast with what appetite
I might, put the license and the ring into my
pocket, and set out for the town where Julia lived.

This town was about twenty minutes by rail
from our village, and I arrived there in very good
time. Julia and I had agreed that our wedding
should be as quiet as possible; and it had been
arranged that I should walk alone to the church,
while she should proceed thither in a carriage,
accompanied only by an uncle and a younger sister.
My way to the church lay by Julia's door, and, so
much was I engrossed by thoughts of the coming
ceremony, that it was not until I had arrived
at that point, that the sight of a barber's pole on
the opposite side of the way, reminded me that
I had not yet got shaved. I glanced at Julia's
window, but I was so early that no one was
visible, and there was as yet no sign of a
carriage at the door. I looked at my watch, and
stepped into the barber's shop.

The window of the shop fronted the street,
but the door was up a little court by the side,
so that, as the barber happened to be looking
out of window when I entered, I could not see
the barber's face, neither did the barber see me.
It seemed as if he did not hear me either; seating
myself in a chair in the middle of the shop,
and placing my hat on a form, I said, in a mild
tone of voice: "I want a shave, if you please."
The barber did not move, and the expression
of his countenance—as far as could be
inferred from an inspection of the back of his
head—was one of melancholy abstraction.

Again I said, in a somewhat louder tone: "I
will trouble you to shave me, if you please."

Still, the barber did not move.