"woe to him who does not instantly expel it
from his mind! You—you do not consider me
mad; eh?"

"My dear sir," said I, "how can you suspect
such a thing for a moment? On the contrary,
I consider you the most perfectly sane and
sensible person I ever met."

"Good. And my conversation is both
instructive and agreeable to you?"

"Highly so," I replied. "I should like,
above all things, to come back and spend the
afternoon with you. But at present—I am very
sorry, but I—I fear I must be going. In fact,
that pressing engagement I spoke of——"

The comparative mildness of his manner had
emboldened me to make this further attempt to
escape; but it did not succeed.

He gave me a look which again made me
shrink into myself, and said:

"As it is well known, and fully understood
both by me and by yourself, that I must and
will shave you, it is right and proper that I
should, before commencing that difficult and
delicate operation, explain to you the precise
position in which we stand. I perceive that,
unfortunately, you tremble a good deal; and,
moreover, that you have a considerable mole on
one cheek, and one or two dangerous-looking
pimples on the other. I fear," he shook his
head gravely, "I fear that those protuberances
may cause most serious, if not fatal, difficulties.
It appears to me, then, that, before commencing
my arduous task, it will be advisable for me to
relate to you a portion of my history, so that
you may understand the perilous position in
which we are placed."

He hemmed, and cleared his voice in a most
respectable and orthodox manner. I really
began to hope that he was working his way
round to his right mind.

At this time I saw a girl pass through the
street, carrying a piece of roast meat from the
bakehouse. It was twelve o'clock, and all
chance of my being at church in time was at an
end for that day. But I scarcely heeded it.
All I cared for now, was escape.

The barber resumed:

"Know then," said he, "that at a former
period of my existence I had a shop of a similar
kind to this. It was a Saturday evening;
business was immense, overwhelming. As the
customers stood waiting for their turns, they
were packed as thick as herrings in a barrel.
They were mostly coalheavers. Coals are
beneficial to the growth of beards, though
detrimental to razors. Can it be wondered at, that
my arms grew feeble and my eyelids heavy?
I had no assistants, I always scorned assistance.
I was happy, for on the morrow, on that very
Sunday which was so close at hand, I was to
wed my Jemima. O Jemima! It was half-past
eleven o'clock, and it seemed as if I were
to have no more customers that night. But I
did not close until twelve, and my razors were
all blunted; so I determined to get one of them
thoroughly sharp before I shut the shop. I took
one, and honed it, and stropped it and stropped
it until it was in wonderful order, and fit to shave
the down from the cheek of a peach. This
razor that I have just prepared for you is the
nearest approach to it that I have ever seen."

He passed the razor a few times over the
palm of his hand, and resumed:

"It was close on the stroke of twelve. I
put up the shutters, and partly closed the door.
I was about to turn off the gas, believing that
work was over for the night, when one more
customer entered. I knew him well. I had
shaved him before. He was a little old weazen
man. He was the clerk of the parish church,
to which I sometimes went. His throat was
long and skinny, and its larynx was very
prominent. The larynx of your throat," and the
barber stepped back a pace, and looked at me
with the air of a connoisseur, "reminds me
forcibly of his. He was a bachelor, and was
supposed to have money. His name was Towzer!"

The barber was moved to tears. While he
wept, I looked at my watch. It was twenty
minutes after twelve, but the barber seemed more
rational than before. I hoped soon to get away.

"The old man seated himself," continued the
barber, "and pointed to his chin. I lathered him,
and began to shave. I got on very well with
his upper lip and the upper part of his chin,
but when I came to the regions of the throat,
being somewhat sleepy, I made a little slip, and
drew blood. The old clerk was very angry. I
apologised, and began again. In an instant, in
a moment, a sudden choking fit of coughing
seized him, and, before I could withdraw my
hand, his throat came forward with a violent
jerk against the keen edge of the razor, and the
blood spurted out. He fell down in a wet heap
on the floor, and was dead almost directly!"

The barber paused, and pressed his hand to his
head. I was horribly startled at this unlooked-for
incident in the tale. I had expected
something mournfully sentimental about Jemima.

He continued, and his manner again became
excited:

"I fled at once; fled all night, all next day,
for a week, for a month, for six months;
straight on, straight on, through fire, water, wind,
hail, snow, fog, mist, thunder, soda-water, and
treacle. But the pursuers were on the track,
they were close behind, I heard them coming.
I escaped them. The means by which I escaped
I shall never reveal, as I may want them again. A
short time since, I arrived in this town. I came,
concealed in the steam of an express engine.
This shop was to be let. I took it. I put a
constraint upon my tongue and upon my features.
No one suspected me. Last night was the
Towzer anniversary. As it approached, I felt
that something must happen. I did not go to
bed. You would not have had me go to
bed, would you? Very well then; don't look
as if you would. I stayed alone in the shop.
From half-past eleven to twelve I employed
myself in stropping a razor—this one—as I had
done then. At the stroke of twelve old Towzer
came in through the closed door, and seated
himself in the chair where you now sit. I
could not help myself. I advanced to shave
him. But he motioned me back, and said, in