of yours in your income-tax?" I asked,
spitefully.

"You have probably noticed, from time to
time, acknowledgements on the part of the financial
executive," said Freddy, " of supposed
arrears of that impost?"

"Regarding them as pleasant fictions,
intended simply to vary the stern monotony of
official returns, I never thought of one of them
as originating with you."

"Right, my friend," said Freddy. " If the
income-tax of these conscientious citizens be in
arrear, they are rogues, if not, idiots. I flatter
myself I am neither. I silently accept the good
the gods, by the hand of Miss Sympleson,
provide me, and, I assure you, a thousand a year
(she stands me in that) is no bad addition to my
little professional income."

"Which must be at least double that sum,"
said I, with an envious glance at the corpulent
briefs that covered the office table.

"About," replied Freddy. "Or, say three
hundred more. I'm doing very fairly."

"Ahem!" said I. " Your aunt must be
delighted at your success?"

"My dear fellow," exclaimed Freddy, " she
doesn't know it. I would not have her
enlightened, for the world."

"That is, not for a thousand a year?" I
muttered.

Fred was a good fellow, and an old friend,
but there was something in the aspect of his
character now suddenly presenting itself that
did not harmonise with old impressions. It
seemed as if my friend had insulted himself, and
I felt inclined to ask him what he meant by it.

"She is a very peculiar woman, that aunt of
mine," resumed Freddy, " liberal of advice, and
(which is rare) of money to enforce the same.
I should deprive the kind soul of the two master
pleasures of her solitary life, were I to let her
into the secret that I want neither her counsel
nor her cash."

"It is very kind of you. And it is satisfactory
to see that, in this case at least, virtue
brings its own reward."

"Come," said Fred, ingenuously, " I won't
take more credit than I deserve. Let it be a
warning to you, young man, to avoid duplicity,
even for the worthiest ends, when I confess
that, from tacitly acknowledging the acceptability
of my aunt's donations, I have drifted into
the deeper guilt of courting, nay, sir, of
demanding them."

"I am sorry to hear it, Bullingham," said I,
gloomily. " I would not hear thine enemy say
so."

"Tweak his nose, if you should," said Fred.
"He couldn't know it, except from myself or
you. You, I know, will be close as wax, and,
by-the-by, if at any time, a few hundreds——"

"Excuse me, Mr Bullingham," I replied.
" If, as you observe, I resemble ' wax' in its
consistency, I don't in its malleability. The
source of those few hundreds is too polluted
to——"

"Bosh! Your grandmother!" said Freddy,
laughing heartily. " Now look, George, my
boy. Tell me, what could I do? My dear
aunt has a passion for giving counsel."

"Feeing it, you mean," said I.

"Ha, ha! And the more intricate and
perplexing the question, the better she is pleased.
You can understand that a life like mine offers
few situations of romantic difficulty. Consequently,
the tightness of the incident market
has more than once compelled me to resort to
the realm of fiction for a mysterious entanglement,
a picturesque anxiety, a dramatic temptation,
or so. You probably were not aware that
I was offered the hand of a Mexican princess,
with a dowry of ten thousand million milreas (a
milrea is about the hundredth part of a shilling,
but my aunt wouldn't know that), on condition
that I should wear the massive nose-ring
distinctive of the connexions of blood-royal."

"You forgot to mention the circumstance to
me," I said, dryly. " I thought that the
government of Mexico was repub——"

"So did I," said Freddy, " till I had occasion
to establish the empire. Perhaps you never
heard that the late Duke of Wellington, when,
appealed to as to who should succeed to the
woolsack, in the event of a sudden vacancy,
replied, in his curt manner, ' Fred Bullingham.'"

"No; certainly I never did," I said, emphatically.

"Nor I," rejoined Fred. " I only said it."

"But, eh! Surely these are——"

"Pretty stiff," said Fred, with perfect
coolness. " Well, they are. But my aunt was
equal to them. I give you my honour that on
neither of these occasions was I actuated by any
avaricious motive. You may see that they offer
no apparent pretext for a present. But my
aunt is as ingenious as myself. The marriage
figment produced a cheque for five hundred—
the largest I had ever received. ' Never,' wrote
the dear old lady, ' never may I live to see your
nose—my nose, I may call it—the Bullingham
nose—dishonoured with the barbarous trinket
that is to accompany this girl's hand! Reject
the savage's proposal. While I have a shilling,
you shall share it.'"

"You took the cheque?"

"Of course I did," said Freddy. "The
second case produced only two hundred. My
aunt entirely coincided in the duke's opinion,
and, thinking I might require a few new
lawbooks bearing on the duties of the woolsack,
such, perhaps, as the Lord Chancellor's Pocket
Companion, the Judgment Dictionary, Chancery
in a Nutshell, &c., kindly enclosed the
amount I have named. I have been engaged to
be married to several young ladies of considerable
personal beauty, but limited means.
Something, however, invariably interposed to prevent
our union, and, in each instance, my aunt
positively refused to take back the presents she had
made me. The greatest stroke I ever made,
sir, was this: I invented an expedition to the
Spanish Main, with the view of recovering
treasures of great value, hidden, ages ago, by the
buccaneers. This required capital, and my aunt
had to sell out stock to about five thousand
pounds. The ship foundered, and the project