Moreover I was known. Was the
acquaintance mutual? Well, gentlemen, that
question was soon to be decided, for presently
I heard a rustling and a crackling noise, like the
approaching of a lady in a very stiff silk dress.
But that gruff voice!—I trembled. As the
sound approached, a light gleamed over the
dark, dirty walls, and glittered in the puddle
upon which I was reposing. 'He or she has
brought a candle, that is wise.' So I looked
round. Mother of Miracles! He, she, or
IT. What do you think approached? A mass
of cinder, glowing hot, shaped into head,
body, arms, and legs; black coal on the crown
of its head, red glow on the cheeks, and all
the rest white hot, with here and there a
little eruption of black bubbles, spirting out
lighted gas. It was the shape of a huge man,
who walked up, with a most friendly expression
in his face, evidently intending to give
me a warm reception.

"And so he did, as I will tell you presently.
It needed not the aid of his natural qualities
to throw me into a great and sudden heat;
his supernatural appearance was enough for
that. Then I was seized with a great fear
lest, in his friendliness, he should expect me
to shake hands. That was as if I should
have thrust my fingers into this tap-room
grate. Well, ma'am (your good health, Mrs.
Pittis), the strange thing came up to me quite
pleasant, with a beaming face, and said, in
something of a voice like a hoarse blast pipe,
'Glad to see you, Mr. Spruce. How did you
come here?' 'O,' said I, 'Sir,' not liking to be
behindhand in civility, 'I only just dropped
in.' 'Cold, up above, Mr. Spruce? Will you
walk in and take a little something warm.'
A little something warm! What's that?
thought I. 'O yes,' I said, 'with all my
heart, Sir.' 'Come along, then; you seem
stiff in the bones, Mr. Spruce, allow me to
help you up.' 'Lord!' I cried, forgetting
my manners. 'No thank you, Sir. Spruce
is my name, and spruce my nature. I can
get up quite nimble.' And so I did, with a
leap; although it made my joints ache, I can
tell you. The thing bowed and seemed to be
quite glowing double with delight to see me.
Take a little something warm, I thought
again. O, but I won't though! However, I
must not seem eager to get away just yet;
the beast seems to think I came down on
purpose to see him. 'After you, Sir!' said
I, bowing and pulling my forelock. 'If you
will be so good as to lead, I'll follow.' 'This
way, then, Philip.'

"So we went along a gallery, and came to a
vault which was lighted by the bodies of a
great number of imps, all made of brisk live
coal, like my conductor. 'I dare say you
find the room close,' said the king—for I
found afterwards he was a real king, though
he was so familiar. 'What will you take to
drink?' I calculated there was nothing
weaker than vitriol in his cellar, so I begged
to be excused. 'It is not my habit, Sir, to
drink early mornings; and indeed I must
not let my wife wait dinner. We will have a
little gossip, if you please, and then you will
let one of your servants light me out, perhaps.
I merely dropped in, as you are aware, my
dear Sir.' 'Quite aware of that, my dear
Phil. And very glad I am to get your
company. Of course you are anxious to be up
above in good time; and if you can stop here
an hour, I shall be happy to accompany you.'
Indeed, thought I to myself, Polly will stare.
'Most happy,' I replied. 'I fear you will
take harm from that nasty puddle at my
door,' observed the king. 'Wouldn't you
wish to lie down and rest a bit, before we
start out together.' I thought that a safe way
of getting through the time. 'You are very
good,' said I. 'Get a bed ready, Coffin and
Purse!' Two bright little imps darted away,
and the Thing turning round to me with a
sulphurous yawn, said, 'I don't mind, Phil, if
I lie down with you.' Surely he's roasting
me, I thought.

"True as sorrow, Mr. Timothy, Coffin and
Purse came back in no time to say the bed
was ready; and I followed the king with
as good courage as a Smithfield martyr. But
I did not, I did not expect what followed.
We went into a small vault, of which half the
floor was covered by a blazing fire: all the
coals had been raked level, and that was
Coffin and Purse's bed-making. 'Well, I'll
get in at once,' said the king; 'you see we've
a nice light mattress.' 'Light, Sir! why it's
in vivid blazes. You don't suppose I can lie
down on that.' 'Why not, Phil? You see I
do. Here I am, snug and comfortable.' 'Yes,
my dear Sir, but you forget the difference
there is between us?' 'And yes again, Mr.
Spruce; but please to remember this is
Christmas Day, a day on which all differences
should be ended.'

"'And now,' said the monster, sitting up
suddenly upon a corner of the bed, 'and now,
Phil, I will urge you to nothing. You are a
reasoning man, and count for a philosopher.
Let's argue a bit, Mr. Spruce.' 'I'm favourable
to free discussion,' I replied; 'but I
decide on principles of common sense.' 'Let
common sense decide,' replied the king, crossing
his knees and looking conversational.
'The point at issue is, whether with your
views it would be better for you to remain a
man or to become a cinder. What were
your thoughts this morning, Philip Spruce?'
'This morning I was thinking about human
nature, Sir.' 'And how did you decide upon
it, Philip?' 'Humbly asking pardon, Sir,
and meaning no offence, may I enquire
whether in present company it is permitted to
speak disrespectfully of the Devil? '

"I wouldn't have said that, Phil, to a man
of his appearance."

"Lord bless you, Tim Drum, he looked so
mild disposed, and 'No offence,' he says;
'speak out without reserve.' 'Then, Sir,'
said I, 'this is what I think of human natur.