in America, a title goes a great way, and
a man with a sounding name has a certain
prestige, and often an actual influence which
an untitled man has not. Besides, we
cannot keep these great Lilliputians out
of one of our public services; and I have
just shown that we ought not, for our own
interests, to do so, if we could. All that
remains, therefore, is to render them harmless.

Let your Great Nobody have his mission
at Tombuctoo; let it form part of his instructions
that he shall receive upon fixed days
such travellers of honour and repute from
his own nation as chance to be in the capital
where he lives, that they may hear, see, and
know what is going on. Let him entertain
and cultivate the people to whom he is
accredited. You do not give him his salary
to clear off his debts, or to portion his
daughter, or to get his son out of scrapes, or
to hoard up. You give it him for the benefit
of the public service; and in that it should
be spent, honestly, scrupulously, to the last
farthing. And would it not be well in sending
out a new King Log to a foreign court, to say
to him, "Your lordship will find Mr. Brown
(who is to be your secretary) already at
Tombuctoo, on your arrival. He is a clever,
hard-working man, who knows the country
thoroughly, and we recommend you to pay
attention to what he says. In case of
anything going wrong, we shall not look to you;
fiddle and bow, and 'receive' and dine away
just as much as you like; we shall look to
him—unless you thwart him. You may
consider yourself, according to a polite fiction, as
the king who can do no wrong; and we shall
dismiss Mr. Brown without mercy, in case of
misconduct or of the interests of this country
being neglected!" You would then have the
advantage of Lord Fiddlededee's rank and
Mr. Brown's ability together. Fiddlededee's
rank really has its advantage in the present
state of cringing and lord-reverence abroad;
whether this may last long or not, is beside
the question under discussion.

For the rest, and as to the complaints of
individuals against foreign Governments, I say
frankly, that nine times out of ten you in
England are hopelessly in the wrong. Your
true-bred Briton, indeed, generally is in the
wrong in a dispute. He is not a linguist;
he gets hot and excited; he blusters, bullies,
commits himself, is corrected, and so little
minds eating his words when he finds himself
in the wrong, that he sometimes seems to do
so with a relish. This is the history of
nine cases out of ten. Besides it should
never be forgotten by any complainant,
however excited, that his representative has only
the power of making representations; he
cannot coerce a foreign Government. He is
placed in the position he fills, partly to keep
up friendly relations as long as possible; and
while good-humoured endeavours to obtain
redress have the faintest chance of success,
it would be in the highest degree culpable in
him to try others. The complainant has also
very likely just proved for himself the value
of blustering.

On one other subject, also, I may perhaps
venture to speak; and I speak decidedly.
No sensible, prudent man of the world need
ever get into a scrape in foreign countries.
If he will quietly, and without remark, fulfil
all necessary regulations, he will find his way
agreeable enough. If, on the contrary, he
goes about wrangling and squabbling with
everybody, and that too often in words of
which he does not know the precise and local
meaning, he will infallibly come to grief. A
guest among strangers—this is his position,
and he should never forget it. If he makes
the house which has received him uncomfortable,
the master has a right to turn him out
of it. It may not be courteous or hospitable
always to do so; but it is the law, and no
foreign envoy can alter it. Three golden
rules to avoid botheration, are—Keep quiet;
don't thrust yourself forward; be civil, and
answer questions readily and good-humouredly,
however they may be put.

No one ought ever to be appointed to a
diplomatic post, however humble, who cannot
speak the language of the country he is going
to. He is completely useless if in ignorance of
it; but as a person cannot spend his life in
learning languages that may soon cease to
be required of him, and in forgetting them in
countries where they are not spoken, let every
person newly appointed have six months to
prepare himself, before going to his post; and,
if he can pass an examination in the language
to be acquired earlier, so much the better
for him. To move our diplomatic servants
also frequently has its advantage, and costs
nothing. It is impossible to understand
thoroughly any one country without having
a general knowledge of others: and I think
it would be wise never to allow any one, not
belonging to some special branch of the
service, to remain at the same post longer
than three years. If he stay longer, he is apt
to change from a man to a thing, and to grow
brimful of rules, orders, regulations, etiquette,
and local prejudices. Seeing all things through
a false and single medium, all things necessarily
appear to him all of one colour.

Any other examination than that of
languages, it would be injudicious, I think, to
require. Diplomacy is a service in which we
do not want book-worms; but men of the
world: and the one are seldom the other.
A man soon acquires that species of reputation
among those who have to deal with him,
which points him out as fit or unfit for
important duties; and, unluckily, you cannot
make promotion here quite regular, without
doing a silly thing. It should depend upon the
capacity, activity, talent, and zeal of the individual.
The interests of a country should not be
confided to a dunce because he is growing grey.

One word more:—Have you observed, that