Sir, began this accursed Barber whom a
malignant destiny thus inflicted on me, how
do you do, I hope you are pretty well. I do
not wish to praise myself, but you are lucky
to have sent for me. My name is PRAYMIAH.
In me you behold an accomplished diplomatist,
a first-rate statesman, a frisky speaker,
an easy shaver, a touch-and-go joker, a giver
of the go-by to all complainers, and above all
a member of the aristocracy of Barbers. Sir,
I am a lineal descendant of the Prophet, and
consequently a born Barber. All my relations,
friends, acquaintances, connexions, and
associates, are likewise lineal descendants of the
Prophet, and consequently born Barbers
every one. As I said, but the other day,
to LAYARDEEN, or the Troublesome, the
aristocracy—May Allah confound thy
aristocracy and thee! cried I, will you begin to
shave me ?

Gentlemen (proceeded the lame young man),
the Barber had brought a showy case with
him, and he consumed such an immense time
in pretending to open it, that I was well nigh
fretted to death. I will not be shaved at all,
said I. Sir, returned the unabashed Barber,
you sent for me to shave you, and with your
pardon I will do it, whether you like it or not.
Ah, Sir! you have not so good an opinion of
me as your father had. I knew your father,
and he appreciated me. I said a thousand
pleasant things to him, and rendered him a
thousand services, and he adored me. Just
Heaven, he would exclaim, you are an
inexhaustible fountain of wisdom, no man can
plumb the depth of your profundity! My
dear Sir, I would reply, you do me more
honour than I deserve. Still, as a lineal
descendent of the Prophet, and one of the
aristocracy of born Barbers, I will, with the
help of Allah, shave you pretty close before I
have done with you.

You may guess, gentlemen, in my state of
expectancy, with my heart set on Fair Guvawnment,
and the precious time running by, how
I cursed this impertinent chattering on the
part of the Barber. Barber of mischief,
Barber of sin, Barber of false pretence,
Barber of froth and bubble, said I, stamping
my foot upon the ground, will you begin to
do your work? Fair and softly, Sir, said he,
let me count you out first. With that, he
counted from one up to thirty-eight with
great deliberation, and then laughed heartily
and went out to look at the weather.

When the Barber returned, he went on
prattling as before. You are in high feather,
Sir, said he. I am glad to see you look so
well. But, how can you be otherwise than
flourishing, after having sent for me! I am
called the Careless. I am not like Dizzee,
who draws blood; nor like Darbee, who
claps on blisters; nor like Johnnee, who
works with the square and rule; I am the
easy shaver, and I care for nobody, I can do
anything. Shall I dance the dance of Mistapit
to please you, or shall I sing the song of
Mistafoks, or joke the joke of Jomillah?
Honor me with your attention while I do
all three.

The Barber (continued the lame young
man, with a groan), danced the dance of
Mistapit, and sang the song of Mistafoks, and
joked the joke of Jomillah, and then began
with fresh impertinences. Sir, said he, with
a lofty flourish, when Britteen first at
Heaven's command, arose from out the azure
main, this was the charter of the land, and
guardian angels sang this strain: Singing, as
First Lord was a wallerking the Office-garding
around, no end of born Barbers he picked up
and found, Says he I will load them with
silver and gold, for the country's a donkey,
and as such is sold.—At this point I could
bear his insolence no longer, but starting up,
cried, Barber of hollowness, by what consideration
am I restrained from falling upon and
strangling thee ? Calmly, Sir, said he, let me
count you out first. He then played his
former game of counting from one to under
forty, and again laughed heartily, and went
out to take the height of the sun, and make
a calculation of the state of the wind, that he
might know whether it was an auspicious
time to begin to shave me.

I took the opportunity (said the young
man) of flying from my house so darkened by
the fatal presence of this detestable Barber,
and of repairing with my utmost speed to the
house of the Cadi. But, the appointed hour
was long past, and Fair Guvawnment had
withdrawn no one knew whither. As I stood
in the street cursing my evil destiny and
execrating this intolerable Barber, I heard a
hue and cry. Looking in the direction whence
it came, I saw the diabolical Barber, attended
by an immense troop of his relations and
friends, the lineal descendants of the Prophet
and aristocracy of born Barbers, all offering a
reward to any one who would stop me, and all
proclaiming the unhappy Publeek to be their
natural prey and rightful property. I turned
and fled. They jostled and bruised me cruelly
among them, and I became maimed, as you
see. I utterly detest, abominate, and
abjure this Barber, and ever since and evermore
I totally renounce him. With these
concluding words, the lame young man arose
in a sullen way that had something very
threatening in it, and left the company.

Commander of the Faithful, when the lame
young man was gone, the guests, turning to
the Barber, who wore his turban very much
on one side and smiled complacently, asked
him what he had to say for himself? The
Barber immediately danced the dance of
Mistapit, and sang the song of Mistafoks, and
joked the joke of Jomillah. Gentlemen, said
he, not at all out of breath after these
performances, it is true that I am called the
Careless; permit me to recount to you, as a
lively diversion, what happened to a twin-
brother of that young man who has so
undeservedly abused me, in connexion with a near