CHEAP PATRIOTISM.

WHEN the writer of this paper states that
he has retired from the civil service on a
superannuation fund to which he contributed
during forty years, he trusts that the prejudice
likely to be engendered by the admission
that he has been a Government-clerk,
will not be violently strong against him.

In short, to express myself in the first
person at once—for, to that complexion I
feel I must come, in consequence of the
great difficulty of sustaining the third—I
beg to make it known that I have no longer
any connexion with Somerset House. I am
a witness without bias, and will relate my
experience in an equitable manner.

Of my official career as an individual clerk,
I may soon dispose. I went into the office
at eighteen (my father having recently
"plumped for Grobus," who, under the less
familiar designation of The Right Honourable
Sir Gilpin Grobus Grobus, Bart, one of
His Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council,
retired into remote space and unapproachable
grandeur immediately after his
election), and began at ninety pounds a-year.
I did all the usual things. I wasted as much
writing-paper as I possibly could. I set up
all my younger brothers with public penknives.
I took to modelling in sealing-wax
(being hopeless of getting through the
quantity I was expected to consume by any
other means), and I copied a large amount
of flute music into a ponderous vellum-
covered book with an anchor outside (supposed
to be devoted to the service of the
Royal Navy), on every page of which there
was a neat water-mark, representing Britannia
with a sprig in her hand, seated in an
oval. I lunched at the office every day,
when I stayed till lunch time which was two
o'clock, at an average expense of about sixty
pounds per annum. My dress cost me (or
cost somebody—I really at this distance of
time cannot say whom), about a hundred
more; and I spent the remainder of iny
salary in general amusements.

We had the usual kind of juniors in the
office, when I was a junior. We had young
O'Killamollybore, nephew of the Member,
and son of the extensive Irish Proprietor who
had killed the other extensive Irish Proprietor
in the famous duel arising out of the famous
quarrel at the famous assembly about dancing
with the famous Beauty—with the whole
particulars of which events, mankind was
acquainted. O'Killamollybore represented
himself to have been educated at every seat
of learning in the empire—and I dare say had
been; but, he had not come out of the ordeal,
in an orthographical point of view, with
the efficiency that might have been expected.
He also represented himself as a great artist,
and used to put such capital imitations of the
marks they make at the shops, on the backs
of his pencil-drawings, that they had all the
appearance of having been purchased. We
had young Percival Fitz-Legionite, of the
great Fitz-Legionite family, who "took the
quarterly pocket-money," as he told us, for the
sake of having something to do (he never
did it), and who went to all the parties in
the morning papers, and used to be always
opening soda-water all over the desks. We
had Meltonbury, another nob and our
great light, who had been in a crack regiment,
and had betted and sold out, and had
got his mother, old Lady Meltonbury, to
"stump up," on condition of his coming into
our office, and playing at hockey with the
coals. We had Scrivens (just of age), who
dressed at the Prince Regent; and we had
Baber, who represented the Turf in our
department, and made a book, and wore a
speckled blue cravat and top-boots. Finally,
we had one extra clerk at five shillings a-day,
who had three children, and did all the work,
and was much looked down upon by the
messengers.

As to our ways of getting through the
time, we used to stand before the fire, warming
ourselves behind, until we made ourselves
faint; and we used to read the papers; and,
in hot weather, we used to make lemonade
and drink it. We used to yawn a good deal,
and ring the bell a good deal, and chat and
lounge a good deal, and go out a good deal,
and come back a little. We used to compare
notes as to the precious slavery it was, and
as to the salary not being enough for bread
and cheese, and as to the manner in which
we were screwed by the public—and we
used to take our revenge on the public by
keeping it waiting and giving it short answers,
whenever it came into our office. It