who lied by his beard was of all liars the
most wicked. I say no more. In those good
times the act of salutation never was so
graceful as when it was accompanied by
plucking a hair from the head, and presenting
it as the most worthy of all human offerings
to the person so respectfully saluted. But I
say no more. There was a time when the
offering of the hair to be cut was an
acknowledgment of sovereignty; now, we sell
ourselves thus into the hands of any fellow who
is base enough to refuse an offer by which he
is honoured so enormously, unless we pay him
sixpence for accepting it. Enough; I feel very
strongly on such subjects. Short hair used,
in the good old times, to be the mark of serfs
or bondsmen, as indeed it is now partly to be
taken as the mark of persons lately come
from gaol. The insolvent debtor, who
forfeited himself as a slave to his creditor, cut
off the flowing locks that were his glory, and
should not be made partakers of his shame.
I say no more — positively not another word.
Long hair was the mark of nobility and
royalty in England till, in the time of the
most contemptible of all our monarchs,
Cliarles the Second, when there was nothing
but a goat upon the throne, goat's hair
usurped the place of man's hair on the throne
of a man's body, and full-bottomed wigs
came in.

Louis the Twelfth of France was noticeable
for his flowing locks until disease compelled
him to replace them with a wig. His loyal
subjects instantly shaved their heads, and,
abdicating nature's crown, because it had
been taken from their master, warmed their
brains in the tails of horses and the fleece of
goats. Louis Quatorze knew how despicable
he had made his own head when he staked
his dignity on a peruque; and, with an instinct
that betrayed his sense of the height from
which he had fallen through the realms of
hair, allowed no man but the barber who
shaved it to behold the poll that was stewed
daily within the close oven of his enormous
wig. Not even his most familiar valet ever
beheld Louis Quatorze bareheaded. He was
undressed, and retired to bed with his wig
on, and it was only when the curtains had
been closely drawn around him that his royal
hand protruded from beneath their folds,
deposited the thatch of his sublime skull in
the arms of a page, and received in exchange
a nightcap. In the morning the same page
attended to receive from the same protruded
hand the nightcap and restore the awful wig.
When, shortly afterwards, the curtains were
withdrawn, his majesty was seen between the
sheets with his head already baking in its
oven, and, as usual, offering to the gaze of his
awe-stricken valet a majestic friz.

When false crowns were made of human
hair, it was commonly of hair cut from corpses.
In the time of the Plague, wigs were in
fashion, and were, therefore, even a much
greater source of terror to their wearers than
they are just now to me. On the third
of September, sixteen' sixty-four, says Mr.
Pepys:—" (Lord's day) Up, and put on my
coloured silk suit, very fine, and my new
periwig, bought a good while since, but durst
not wear, because the plague was in
Westminster when I bought it; and it is a wonder
what will be the fashion after the plague is
done, as to periwigs, for nobody will buy any
hair for fear of infection, that it had been cut
off the heads of people dead of the plague."

In the time of Queen Anne and George the
First, full-bottomed wigs, "high on the
shoulders in a basket borne," inasmuch as
they were worth some pounds a-piece, were
thought worth stealing in the streets from
the heads of their wearers. I shall not talk
of Dr. Johnson's wigs: either of his work-a-day
or of the dress wig that he kept at Mrs.
Thrale's, and put on in the hall before making
his appearance in the parlour. But I will
dissect, tear, separate, and divide, all wigs,
because I hate them. I wish I had been a
critic in the day when these appeared. The
Storehouse of Armoury and Blazon,
containing the several variety of Created Beings,
and how borne in Coats of Arms, both Foreign
and Domestic; with the Instruments used
in all Trades and Sciences, together with
their Terms of Art, by Randle Holme of
Chester, Gentleman Sewer to his late Majesty
King Charles the Second. I would have
massacred this book unmercifully; especially
for the following passages:

"A border of hair is only locks to cover
the ears and neck, and is fixed in a cap,
having no head of hair.

"A short-bob — a head of hair, is a wig" (the
villain dares to call a head of hair a wig)
"that hath short locks and a hairy crown.

"A long perawick, with side hair and a
poll lock behind.

"A campaign wig hath knots or bobs on
each side, with a curled forehead. A
travelling wig."

He goes on to " a grafted wig," " drakes'
tails," " frizzes," " thoughts of hair," "thread
wafts," "two-thread wafts," "three-thread
wafts! " What! Is a man's own head thus to
be cobbled for him with needles, silk thread,
tape, and a "perawick thimble?" If all my
hair falls off, let me go bald. As man, I am
a king; and if it be my fate ever to lose the
crown of silver that is now set on my brow,
I will not seek unworthy consolation by
replacing it with any sham that can be stitched
together. If ever the day comes for me to be
ashamed to show my head among my fellows,
I will hide it from them.