+ ~ -
 
Please report pronunciation problems here. Select and sample other voices. Options Pause Play
 
Report an Error
Go!
 
Go!
 
TOC
 

in a quick, decisive, and rather impertinent,
style

"Where are you going to, sir,—where are
you going?"

"To Bristol," I replied, quietly.

"Bristol," said he, "was burnt to the
ground last night,—the whole of it burnt to
ashes!"

"What, sir,—nonsenseit is impossible;
I have a considerable property there!"

"I am glad of it," answered the stranger,
hissing between his clenched teeth;—"it's all
burnt."

Then, of course, I knew that he was a
madman. He kept watching me eagerly,
like an animal in act to spring, but I
tried not to look afraid, and made
conversation as carelessly as I could, but I dare
say it was not very brilliant. In passing
Hanwell, for instance, I remarked (forgetting
altogether the purpose to which it is devoted)
"How well Hanwell looks from the railroad,
sir?"

At this he placed his hands
knees, stared at me straight in the face, and
replied very deliberately:

"Ah, you should see how the railway
looks from Hanwell!"

A cold perspiration broke out all over me, as
I replied, "Ah, indeed!" and made an abortive
attempt to yawn. I confess I never felt less
sleepy, nor more interested in any conversation
in my life. He kept quite quiet for a
mile or two, only regarding me with a wistful
and curious countenance, which gradually
changed to an expression of disgust and
annoyance.

"Sir," said he, at last, emphatically, like
a man who has made up his mind upon the
subject, "I don't like your nose! But I have
got something here (tapping his breast) the
eighth wonder of the world, and we'll cut
your nose off and substitute that."

I said, in order to gain time, that I should
like to see this wonder before the operation
took place.

"I would not show it to everybody, mind
you, but I will to you," he said; and, unbuttoning
his coat, he took from an inner pocket a
small white pig, quite dead, which had been
born with five legs. He held it by one of the
legs between his finger and thumb, and
regarded it with much complacency. "You
see it's just the same colour as your nose, and
ever so much better looking; besides which,
the singularity of the thing will be so remarkable;
why, sir, you will be followed about the
streets by hundreds, and perhaps attract the
notice of royalty itself." He stopped a little,
as if in admiration of the picture he had
thus conjured up; then, with an expression
of diabolical malice, he returned the
precious treasure to his casket; and, with a
tone of biting sarcasm, concluded his remarks
with, "And now, you shall not have it, after
all!"

We had just rushed past Reading like a
cannon-ball, but to me the train seemed
moving like a snail; there was no stopping, no
chance of a rescue, until we reached Didcot;
and I could scarcely hope the madman would
abstain from violence for another twenty
minutes. In hopes to preclude further talk, I
got out a book and pretended to be deeply
engaged with it; but, as it turned out, this
was a most unfortunate experiment.

"Sir," observed my terrible companion,
"I perceive that you are addicted to study;
it is one of the worst vices I am acquainted
withbad in itself and ensnaring to others;"
then, with ferocity, he added, "how dare
you read in my presence, sir?"

I apologised, and put the volume by, as he
continued, "When the Genius in the Arabian
Nights, whom the fisherman rescued from the
vessel sealed with Solomon's seal, was first
shut up in it, he promised riches to whomsoever
should release him; but afterwards he
promised death. So, sir, was I used to benefit
him whom I found ignorant, but now I
tear him limb from limb;—beware, then, how
you answer my questions. Are you
acquainted with Shakspeare?"

"Yes, sir," said I, confidently—"I am."

"Do you know Milton, thoroughly?"

" Yes, sir,—I think I do."

"But are you well up in Boswell's Corsica,
sir? tell me that! I don't believe you if
you say you are; and if you say you are not,
I will break you to fragments!"

Now, thanks to a disposition that had led
me into out-of-the-way paths of literature, I
did happen to have perused that dreary
work, and so I had the great pleasure to tell
my tormentor. In order to try me, however,
he harassed me with questions about the book
as pertinaciously as any senate-house
examiner; and, unless my memory had
happened to be of the best, I do not doubt that he
would have more or less executed his threat.
At last the whistle sounded shrilly our
approach to Didcot, and it seemed to me
the sweetest music I had ever heard.

"We go to Bath together, I believe?" said
my companion, breaking off his queries and
speaking in the most silvery tones.

"We do, sir, I am delighted to say," I
answered.

But in five minutes from that time I was
narrating my adventure to some people in
another carriage, and my poor friend was in
the custody of the Great Western Railway
police.

When I told this to Aunt Dorothy she
remarked, that nothing should induce her to
travel on the railway alone, as long as she
lived. Not, however, she added, that she
was alarmed in the slightest degree; but that
she did not think it becoming of a lady of
her rank to do soAunt Dorothy's strong
point being exclusiveness and devotion to the
aristocracy; in consequence, I believe, of her
grandfather having been knighted because
he was a mayor. I was, therefore, much