dreamt of golden asses all night long: I rode
them in my sleep, and was in return ridden
cruelly by them in night mares (asses?).
All my thoughts were to that one end—of
the Golden Ass! To that end too were all
those open drawers overflowing with loose
papers—those book-stands groaning under
ponderous volumes. To that end was the
dust which lay thick everywhere, for fear of
the Golden Ass being disturbed.

Some way, I dreaded the interview with
the virtuous menial who I knew was waiting
below. I felt, as it were, mentally transported
to a dentist's front parlour, and seemed
to be waiting until a person in black should
throw the door open, and say, "Now, sir!"
In truth, I had my heart broke already in
these interviews with importunate ladies,
who, I was given to understand, considered
my line of employment most desirable—single
being considered in the profession not to give
much trouble. And so I was harassed by
persons of thorough capabilities and general
in-door qualifications; and had to hold a
daily reception of lady candidates. I was
actually lain in wait for in the open street,
and hustled in the most unseemly manner:
and once was observed flying down a
by-lane, pursued by three women of excited
demeanour. The wretched nights I spent,
tossing and thinking of the horrid nuisance.
Reason at one time all but tottered on its
throne; and the Golden Ass stood still in the
middle of the road. At last one good friend,
taking pity on my condition, said he had
heard of a treasure, who had lived with a
bachelor friend of his, and would send her if
I wished. And she was now waiting below
—the perfect treasure. "Send her up," I
called in a feeble voice to the person who was
only holding office until the appointment of
a successor. "Ask Mrs. Swipclin to step
this way."

I was in the dentist's parlour again. I
hear the butler's step. I hear the other
patient going through the hall—no doubt,
with his handkerchief to his face. Was this
Mrs. Swipclin, the perfect treasure?

She was standing in the doorway—smiling
and nodding to me; but in spite of such
reassuring gestures my heart sunk terribly.
How should I manage to discuss terms—to
make suitable arrangements with a person of
those Patagonian dimensions—that superhuman
size and admeasurement? It would
be undue influence, agreement made under
bodily fear! I was in bodily fear: if she
chose to use personal violence, there was none
nigh, and I was at her mercy. Terrible
spectre! there she stood at the door with her
shawl swathed tightly about her, and evidently
trying to encourage me, with a series of
pleasant smiles. Pleasant! Poor soul! no efforts
of hers could force her features to a benignant
expression, Nature having cast the lower part
of her face in a mould irresistibly suggesting
the notion of a jug.

She was speaking now, at least there was
to be heard a peculiar rasping sound, as if
carpenters were busy in an adjoining chamber.
She was glad to see, she said, I had got
her little papers before me. She had lived
with the best and noblest in the land.
O dear, yes! Had enjoyed the society of lords,
dukes, and commoners. Seductive officers had
been made to her; bags of gold laid at her
feet.

"But," she continued, protruding with painful
prominence, the portion of her countenance
which has been already likened to a
jug, "I put all proffers, such to the behind
of me. Having no fancy for jules and beauty,
and distraction of 'igh life; but seeking
rather quiet. And hearing of a young
gentleman, living lonely by himself, without a
soul to do for him in the world, I come
straight from the country, two 'undred miles
away, with all my trunks and boxes, not
small in themselves, and now lying at the Goat.
Here," continues Mrs. Swipclin, throwing
her eyes up devotionally, "Providence has
brought me to a havien—to an 'arbour—of
peas, where I may ride at hanker securely,—
now and for ever and ever, give glory.
Amen."

A horrible feeling began to take possession
of me from this moment, that she being now
on the premises, would really, and without
metaphor, ride there at anchor, without
possibility of being dislodged; and, at the
same time, the sad truth forced itself on me
that the power of resistance was every
instant. I did indeed stand in bodily fear of
her; but, providentially, the folios were there
—between her and me.

"From the moment I was setting in that
'oly 'all below, I saw that this would be my
'ome. 'Suzy Swipclin,' I says, 'your wanderings
is from this moment over now and for
ever, world without end! This night you
shall sleep under your hown fig-tree.' You
like the dischargers," Mrs. Swipclin
continued, with a horribly insinuating leer.

"O, indeed, yes," I said hastily, glad
to propitiate her. "Nothing could be better;
but I'm afraid—"

"Just permit of me—" she interrupted,
about stepping forward and lessening her
distance between us, but becoming conscious
of the obstacle proceeded with much irritability
to cut a passage for herself among the
folios, tossing them aside contemptuously. I
fancied I heard sounds like "drat " and
"unregular." I shrank back from her as she
stood towering over me. "Ye like them,"
she said, taking them up. "No fault in
them?"

"They are," I answered, "complimentary
in the extreme. You should be proud indeed
of such testimony, and keep them carefully to
hand down to your children." How I loathed
myself as I spoke these honeyed words.

"Ah!" said Mrs. Swipclin, with a leer of
admiration, "a nice-spoken gentleman with