Strange mortality, certainly: but, under
the circumstances, I did not press for more
particulars.

The new broom was now indeed taken;
and there was an end on it. Let me go back
to my Golden Ass, and drown care in his
sweet hee-haws.

Coming home late that evening, I found
the hall quite blocked with three monster
hair trunks, laid so as to completely obstruct
the passage. The new broom had come
home; and these cases contained her worldly
goods.

"As the tree falls, it must lie in that
blessed way for ever," she said, largely
paraphrasing a passage of the Sacred Text. "And
there that beast of a cabman laid them—
unless you, my sweet gentleman, will put
your lovely hands to them, and help old Suzy
up the stairs with them."

The woman was strong enough to have
taken all three upon her shoulders: but with
ill-concealed disgust, I had finally to aid her
in removing them to one side, else they would
have stayed there for ever.

Next morning I was deep again in the
Golden Ass, commenting on him and
elaborating him with more than usual diligence
and success. Some new lights had broken in
upon me, and a very curious hypothesis,
which would hitherto seem to have escaped
all previous scholars who had written upon
the Golden Ass. In a sort of a fever, I was
working this out, when there was brought
in to me, as it were, a further incitement, in
the shape of a despatch from the well-known
Doctor Kitely, F.S.A., F.R.S., the eminent
scholar, and principal of a famous college.
Doctor Kitely had himself made researches
upon the Golden Ass; and actually possessed
an editio princeps, of extraordinary rarity,
of that animal. Knowing this, I had put
myself in communication with him; the
result of which was this despatch, full of
words of encouragement, with a promise not
only to send me the rare copy for collation
(alluding of course to the scholastic sense of
the word), but even to pay me a visit and
look at my work, when he should be in that
part of the country. Here was Elysium
opened to me of a sudden; and, in a sort of
literary transport, I was thinking what
bright things were in store for me, when I
was recalled violently back to earth, by a
sound as of one overthrown near the door.

"Drat them books for ever and ever more,"
Mrs. Swipclin said, rising from the floor much
excited. "Who is it leaves them in this
unregular way, like potsherds, for people's
shins?"

"I am sure I am very sorry, Mrs. Swipclin,"
I said.

"There are shelves, surely," she answered,
"and books for the shelves, and there let
them be for ever and ever more—give glory,
amen. Well, dinner—you would like it at
two—"

"Two o'clock!" I said, in astonishment.
"Seven, Mrs. Swipclin, I always dine at
seven."

"So I heerd," Mrs. Swipclin answered;
"and yet two has been my own particular
hour for years—O dear,—so many years
back!"

"You can dine at that hour, if you like," I
said, with an uneasy feeling coming over me.

"Much healthier hour," she went on, "for
gents that study. Now, take Suzy's advice;
make it two."

"I can't indeed," I said, in great heat and
excitement. "Please to let me dine at my
own hour. It is very hard indeed, that I
am not allowed."

"And who's a-hindering of you?" she
burst out. " But it's unregnlar—monstrous
in a Christian house! Two dinners, indeed!
Have I four pair of hands, please, to be
getting dinners ready at all hours of the
day? Perhaps six in the morning, or ten at
night, will be the next called for!" Then
suddenly growing cool, she said, in wheedling
tones: "Now, don't get agravating of poor
Suzy this way; say it—TWO. Let it be two,
my sweet gentleman, for the first days; and
then you can have it seven for ever and
ever more! Halleloojack!"

I was panting to be at the Golden Ass, and
in bodily fear lest the hypothesis should
escape me. So I gave up, for quietness' sake:
and at two o'clock swallowed a wretched,
ill-cooked morsel, and was uncomfortable all
the day after.

"A beautiful arrangement," Mrs. Swipclin
said, "as the two dinners was thus off her
mind together."

It might have been off her mind; but it
fell heavily enough on another's, as I was to
learn from sad experience. I am firmly
persuaded, that certain dyspeptic ailings to
which I am now a martyr, may be traced
back to this unnatural practice of early
dining.

We never reverted to the good old seven
o'clock, the right of prescription being
always thrown in my face. "Was I going to
back of my word? What was this chopping
and a-changing? She had no notion of
this going back from seven to two, and from
two to seven." So, with a sigh, I submitted.
Welcome megrims, horriblest disarrangement
of digestive functions! all for peace and
quiet, and, let me add, for my Golden Ass.

He was getting forward superbly, with
great strides, and cutting out his work, as
the phrase is, in superb style. In his sweet
companionship I forgot all my domestic
troubles. The dreadful nightmare below
stairs, whom I had long since ceased to
struggle with, was kept out of my thoughts
during these hours of study; and when there
reached me one morning, a packet containing
the sacred and unique copy from Doctor
Kitely, with notice that he would in a few
days be in my neighbourhood, and would