order. He is observed interrogating the
mnn; who seems to re-assure him by a
nod. Then is presently lifted down to the
agitated priest, a small corded chest of a
bright green complexion, with a conspicuous
label pasted on it. He essays to lift it,
but vainly, it is borne on men's shoulders
to a conveyance that waits hard-by. It was
taken incontinently to the residence of my
Lady Diana. It was laid upon the floor; it
was uncorded; it was unlocked. A moment
of terrible suspense succeeded. A delicious
aroma, as of concentrated sweets sent down
from Bond Street, essence more grateful than
Frangipani or Patchouli, was exhaled from
the square green—a sort of hot-pressed
laundry flavour.
They were taken out one by one, those
books sent by Bowler. Everything ordered
had come—divine Bowler—duck of a man!
But, strange to say, there was a deluge, as it
were, of Honourable Mrs. Dewlap's works.
Would it be putting the thing too broadly
to say, that the whole chest overflowed with
them—ran over its edges with these delicious
products of the Honourable female's brain?
No wonder, indeed, that dark suspicion
entered into the minds of some that Bowler
was exuberantly glad to have such a call;
these noble productions crowding inconveniently,
and needing airing sadly. There
they were, however, by the yard measure;
so many cubic feet, as it were, of the
Honourable Mrs. Dewlap.
Which delighted most? "The Plebeian's
Daughter," who, by the way, as all the world
knows, proved not to be a plebeian's daughter,
but a real off-shoot of one of the noblest,
peerless families. Sweet things! Exquisitely
handled! Than which, if there was a thing
more sweetly done, it was surely Fashion and
Feeling, in which there was a tenderness and
a graceful treatment rarely compressed in
handsome green cloth covers, with decent
gilt lettering on the back!
Why dwell on others but the newest things
of all—The Languishing of the Heart, by
the author of Fashion and Feeling, The
Plebeian's Daughter, &c. &c. &c. London:
Bowler and Company, Universal Circulating
Library? There was a review or two; a
volume of Scientific Travels; a Memoir of the
late Daniel Budge, some time minister of
Zion Chapel; the very newest work on
Electricity; a volume of Mr. Grote's History;
the learned German's well-known Researches
in Ethnology, together with the Remains
(literary, of course) of the late Henry
Bunter, M.D., F.R.S.
The Lady Diana was gratified by the selection,
Bowler having looked to her specially:
but the main point was behind. How were
the treasures to be distributed ? Was there
not a by-law (number fourteen in the
elaborate Code Hoblush) to the effect that
"every member should have the right of
selecting for him or herself one work, of
fiction or improving matter, as he (or she)
shall think fit: the Secretary being
empowered to choose a certain number—such
as he thinks will, on the whole, suit the
general taste of the members." Profoundest
policy breathed through this proviso; and to
its proper working came this hindrance at
the very outset. For had not each member
selected his or her work with all care? Miss
Begley choosing The Fighting Hopeful; or,
Memorials of Captain E. C. Wigbear (twenty-
fifth thousand), who fell, as we know, in the
late war; and the Misses Caiphas that droll
book (illustrated) which Captain Tilbury,
R.H.A., had mentioned to them, entitled
Pumpkins and Melons, with the caricatures
of which a brother officer of Captain Tilbury's
Own, had something to do? And did not
Caiphas, the Reverend, himself name Barrabas
on the Thessalonians, really one of the
profoundest things in that line; with lighter
fry, in pamphlet shape, as Perry's Second
Letter to the Lord Bishop of Tweakminster;
Fourth Letter on Tithes, by Reverend E.
Perry; Perry's Reply to the Answer of the Reverend
H. B. Wilson's to a Letter of the Reverend
E. Perry: the Reverend Henry Caiphas
holding that there was no man in England
who could write like Perry? Again, had
not Whilkers himself named The Life and
Letters of the Right Honourable Babington
Ogle, the well-known statesman, edited by
his grandson, Edward Stoney Ogle, M.P.,
together with the Speeches of another statesman?
And had not Alfred Hoblush himself,
in pursuance of the powers given him by the
statute, selected The Poems of Benison;
the newest four volumes of the clever
Political Baronet; the Diary of Miss Grace
Todhunter, who was conspicuous at the Court
of the Prince Regent, and was a famous
toast?
All these things had been chosen with the
nicest care and acumen; and yet in the box
they were—not!
A grievous disappointment at outset;
scarcely soothed by an apologetic despatch
from Bowler, to this tune, that in spite of
"fresh copies added daily"—nay, hourly—the
demand could not be kept down: and by one
of those queer, ludicrous mischances that
embarrass human wishes, the very works
named in the list were precisely the works
upon which this terrible run lay.
The stumbling-block now for the Reverend
Alfred was the task of distribution. The
Lady Diana, on her sofa, was deep already in
Fashion and Feeling. But how was it to be
with the others ?
After a night of racking thought, this was
his conclusion. To Miss Begley, who had
required the Memorials of the young soldier
(twenty-fifth thousand), went, instead, the
Memoir of the late Daniel Budge, some time
minister of Zion Chapel. To the Misses
Caiphas, who had thirsted for the facetious
Pumpkins and Melons, there arrived the
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