"Good! Had the measles?'"

"Yes."

"Come here!"

I went .as requested, and received a sharp
punch in the stomach from the fist of the
doctor, whose head was immediately stuck
against my waistband, listening, as it appeared
to me, to the ticking of my watch.

"Breathe!" he said, and I obeyed.

"You'll do," he continued, " if you don't
drink too much. Five guineas!— Come in."

Although I had heard no sound, a footman
entered, in obedience to the last summons,
and announced the young Duke of Spindles.

"Back surgery," replied the concise doctor.
As I bowed myself out I saw no signs of a
ducal presence, although I looked curiously—
and thus ended my fifth lesson.

I next rang the bell at a door on which
was a large brass plate with "Madame
Dubois, épileuse," upon it in prominent
characters. I was ushered into a room in
many respects like the chiropodist's, where I
was received by a middle-aged female, who
desired me to take a seat while she prepared
the necessary implements to extract my grey
hairs. She commenced her operations with
two pairs of pincers.

"Milor's hair was vara fine— vara charming
— much like de air of de young Duc
de——"

"Don't mention his name. I know it
already."

"Monsieur?"

"Spindles. Am I right?"

"Parfaitement. Milor le young Duc is
just a leetle— a vara leetle— grey; but he
had taken it in time, and it would not spread
— O no!"

Half an hour passed in this way, at the
end of which time some twenty hairs were
displayed upon a white cloth on the table.
Two were visibly grey, the others were said
to be in a state of transition— dangerous
companions, likely to corrupt the remainder of
the flock if suffered to remain. I paid the
fee cheerfully— three guineas and a half— and
went direct to a barber's to pursue my
investigations in the same direction.

The barber's was not a vulgar barber's;
not a place with a pole sticking out, and an
old copy of a Sunday paper to amuse the
customers, but an establishment that had
kept pace with the times, if it had not
shot a little a-head of them. It was a series
of saloons, replete with every luxury of the
toilet; artists of rare manipulative skill;
baths of every kind, even warm sea-water
baths. I placed myself before a pier-glass,
and was immediately waited on by the leading
man in the house: who prepared a
shampooing mixture, not unlike the materials for
a pancake. There were eggs, and rum and
water, and a thing like a milking-pail, in
which the composition was to drip as it ran
off my head. When the washing was finished,
the usual remarks began on the part of my
operator.

"Hair is greyer than it ought to be, sir,
for a gentleman of your age. Falling off a
little at the top, too. You should try our
warm sea-water baths. Did you ever try
our pediluvium fragrant vapour, and siesta
to follow?"

"Never," I replied, "but as you recommend
the warm sea-water baths, I'll try one."

"Yes, sir; thank you, sir. Thomas!" (this
was shouted down a pipe) "warm sea-water."

I was conducted to a dark apartment in
the basement— probably what was once the
cellar, now lighted with gas— and in the corner
I observed a large trough filled with the
invigorating spring. When I was thoroughly
immersed, I was left to my reflections, and
very melancholy they were. I compared my
condition, confined in a dirty tank, in a
gloomy coal cellar, with that of my friends,
who were taking their sea-water under the
chalk cliffs, on the free, open, pebbly beach,
I audibly cursed the delays of the law
which kept me in town, and I became an ardent
legal reformer from that hour. As these
thoughts were passing through my mind, I
became suddenly conscious of an intense
feeling of disgust at my bath, and the whole
truth at once dawned upon me, I was soaking
in a mess of pot-liquor. Sea-water it
was, certainly, but it had been several days
— perhaps weeks— in the wood, and several
hours— perhaps days— in the boiler. Its
whole history passed before me; its transfer
to a cask on the coast of Kent or Sussex;
its journey to London in the luggage-van of
the railway; its period of delay in the
company's storehouses; its jolting voyage in
one of Pickford's vans; its second delay
at the carrier's warehouses; finally, its
delivery at the door of the hair-dresser.
Ten legs of pork, stewed for six hours in ten
gallons of water, would have made a bath as
wholesome and inviting. I leaped with a
shudder from the greasy pool, and lost no
time in making my way to the upper
apartments. I had spent the whole day, and
nearly fifty pounds, in learning to know
myself; and 'in the effort I had but extended my
knowledge of a certain class of my
fellow-creatures. As I passed through the saloons
where the "pediluvium, fragrant vapour, and
siesta to follow" were administered, I heard
the voice of one who was evidently indulging
in these Eastern luxuries, crying aloud in a
decided tone— evidently under the impression
that there was something which the
waiter had omitted to bring:

"Now, then! That siesta!"

Could that voice have belonged to the young,
shadowy, afflicted Duke of Spindles?