mind of Hamlet and the other gentleman in
mourning before killing one another, though I
could have wished the other gentleman had done
it fairer and even if less polite no poison.

Mr. Baffle's family were not liked in this
neighbourhood, for when you are a householder
my dear you'll find it does not come by nature
to like the Assessed, and it was considered
besides that a one-horse pheayton ought not to
have elevated Mrs. Buffle to that heighth
especially when purloined from the Taxes which I
myself did consider uncharitable. But they
were not liked and there was that domestic
unhappiness in the family in consequence of their
both being very hard with Miss Buffle and one
another on account of Miss Buffle's favouring
Mr. Buffle's articled young gentleman, that it
was whispered that Miss Buffle would go either
into a consumption or a convent she being so
very thin and off her appetite and two
close-shaved gentlemen with white bands round their
necks peeping round the corner whenever she
went out in waistcoats resembling black
pinafores. So things stood towards Mr. Buffle
when one night I was woke by a frightful noise
and a smell of burning, and going to my
bed-room window saw the whole street in a glow.
Fortunately we had two sets empty just then
and before I could hurry on some clothes I
heard the Major hammering at the attics' doors
and calling out "Dress yourselves!—Fire!
Don't be frightened!—Fire ! Collect your
presence of mind!—Fire! All right—Fire!"
most tremenjously. As I opened my bedroom
door the Major came tumbling in over himself
and me and caught me in his arms. "Major"
I says breathless "where is it?" "I don't
know dearest madam" says the Major—"Fire!
Jemmy Jackman will defend you to the last
drop of his blood—Fire! If the dear boy was
at home what a treat this would be for him—
Fire!" and altogether very collected and bold
except that he couldn't say a single sentence
without shaking me to the very centre with
roaring Fire. We ran down to the drawing-
room and put our heads out of window, and the
Major calls to an unfeeling young monkey
scampering by be joyful and ready to split
"Where is it?—Fire!" The monkey answers
without stopping " Oh here's a lark! Old
Buffle's been setting his house alight to prevent
its being found out that he boned the Taxes.
Hurrah! Fire!" And then the sparks came
flying up and the smoke came pouring down
and the crackling of flames and spatting of
water and banging of engines and hacking of
axes and breaking of glass and knocking at
doors and the shouting and crying and hurrying
and the heat and altogether gave me a dreadful
palpitation. "Don't be frightened dearest
madam," says the Major, "—Fire! There's
nothing to be alarmed at—Fire! Don't open the
street door till I come back—Fire! I'll go and
see if I can be of any service—Fire! You're
quite composed and comfortable ain't you?—
Fire, Fire, Fire!" It was in vain for me to
hold the man and tell him he'd be galloped to
death by the engines—pumped to death by his
over-exertions—wet-feeted to death by the slop
and mess—flattened to death when the roofs fell
in—his spirit was up and he went scampering
off after the young monkey with all the breath
ho had and none to spare, and me and the girls
huddled together at the parlour windows looking
at the dreadful flames above the houses over
the way, Mr. Buffle's being round the corner.
Presently what should we see but some people
running down the street straight to our door,
and then the Major directing operations in the
busiest way, and then some more people and
then—carried in a chair similar to Guy Fawkes
—Mr. Buffle in a blanket!

My dear the Major has Mr. Buffle brought
up our steps and whisked into the parlour and
carted out on the sofy, and then he and all the
rest of them without so much as a word burst
away again full speed, leaving the impression of
a vision except for Mr. Buffle awful in his blanket
with his eyes a rolling. In a twinkling they all
burst back again with Mrs. Buffle in another
blanket, which whisked in and carted out on the
sofy they all burst off again and all burst back
again with Miss Buffle in another blanket, which
again whisked in and carted out they all burst
off again and all burst back again with Mr.
Buffle's articled young gentleman in another
blanket—him a holding round the necks of two
men carrying him by the legs, similar to the
picter of the disgraceful creetur who has lost the
fight (but where the chair I do not know) and
his hair having the appearance of newly played
upon. When all four of a row, the Major rubs
his hands and whispers me with what little
hoarseness he can get together, "If our dear
remarkable boy was only at home what a
delightful treat this would be for him!"

My dear we made them some hot tea and
toast and some hot brandy-and-water with a
little comfortable nutmeg in it, and at first they
were scared and low in their spirits but being
fully insured got sociable. And the first use Mr.
Buffle made of his tongue was to call the Major
his Preserver and his best of friends and to say
"My for ever dearest sir let me make you
known to Mrs. Buffle" which also addressed
him as her Preserver and her best of friends and
was fully as cordial as the blanket would admit
of. Also Miss Buffle. The articled young gentleman's
head was a little light and he sat a moaning
"Robina is reduced to cinders, Robina is
reduced to cinders!" Which went more to the
heart on account of his having got wrapped in
his blanket as if he was looking out of a violin-
celler-case, until Mr. Buffle says "Robina speak
to him!" Miss Buffle says "Dear George!" and
but for the Major's pouring down brandy-and-
water on the instant which caused a catching in
his throat owing to the nutmeg and a violent
fit of coughing it might have proved too much
for his strength. When the articled young
gentleman got the better of it Mr. Buffle leaned
up against Mrs. Buffle being two bundles, a
little while in confidence, and then says with
tears in his eyes which the Major noticing wiped,
"We have not been an united family, let us
after this danger become so, take her George."