been aimlessly and confusedly, but to my eyes
very clearly, tending towards Me. What is
now wanted is a Cæsar of Publicity, who, in the
diffusion of advertisements, unites the elegance
of manner which seduces with the energy of
character which commands. Everything has
been helping, unconsciously, the progress of
the events which smooths for Me the way to
supreme power. Once elevated to power, my
first acts will be to execute, as Dispenser of
Fame, what as a citizen I have supported. Let
us not, dear Mr. A. Y. R., continually seek little
passions in great souls. The success of superior
men, it is a consoling thought, is due rather to
the loftiness of their sentiments than to the
speculations of selfishness and cunning. There
have been three great men in the world—Julius
Cæsar, George Robins, and Me. It is consoling
to me to think so, and kind of me to say so. I
do, indeed, require for the fulfilment of my great
and beneficent project, that I shall be trusted
with a certain amount of despotic power. But
when you have a great genius to guide you, I
can't say how bad it is of you not to give him, as
your leader, a complete and firm hold of your
nose. Only by allowing Me to work out my
thoroughly harmonious system can you escape
from the disorders and discrepancies of method
and result that now agitate the advertising
world. I ask only for powers that may be
delegated to Me by the British parliament. So
far from wishing to overthrow parliament—
though the mention of such a fact may savour
of bribery—I may mention that if it confer on
Me the powers I require, I will advertise it
gratuitously next July on all the butter-pats.
It and they will be in a state of dissolution;
but as long as there is butter in the land there
shall be members of parliament. I wish to
overthrow none of the institutions. I ask only
for despotic power over one of them, that I
may develop it and strengthen it, and be a
Cæsar—which is the next best thing to a mother
—to it; and that I may have the keeping of its
purse.

THE CHEMISTRY OF WASHING.

CLEANLINESS is next to godliness; some
people even say that cleanliness is godliness.
A clean mind and conscience, in a clean body, is
the nearest approach to purity we can fancy
here below. The two great human ills which
mainly cause men to fear misfortune and poverty,
are the consequent hunger and dirtiness which
they entail. When that heroic impostor,
Cagliostro, at last fell into the rat-trap of a Roman
prison, he implored of his jailors two favours
only—the visits of his wife, and a supply of
clean linen. Both were refused; and a liberal
quantity of pious books (pious from the St.
Angelo point of view) granted instead.

Different nations differ greatly in their
notions of personal cleanliness; as do also different
classes in the same nation. The people of
modern Rome, the direct descendants of the
conquerors of the world, receive two complete
washings from head to foot, not during their
lives, but one as soon as they are born, and
another as soon as they are dead. A bath is
considered, if not immoral, at least the first
step to immorality. A respectable young
woman, being asked if she did not sometimes
take a bath, indignantly inquired who they took
her for? Some Orientals, by their singular
habits, quite neutralise the effects of their
frequent ablutions. By wearing a silken shirt,
which they change rarely, or which they wear
perhaps till it falls to pieces, they may be said
to be clean only while they are in their bath.
They are open to the taunt flung at the unreal
invalid, when, complaining that he had tried
everything to get rid of his rheumatism, was
asked whether he had tried a clean shirt.

There are even prejudices as to the part of the
person which may be kept quite clean with
impunity. By many, the feet are scrupulously
preserved from all contact with water, through the
apprehension either that it would make them
tender, or that it would cause them to increase
in size. Not a few workpeople fear the former
contingency; their foot, like the heel of Achilles,
is not dipped in the river Styx, nor in any
earthly stream. Not a few brilliant belles are
afraid that their feet would swell like sponges
on the application of water to them.

There is also prevalent, amongst the middle
and lower classes of England, a belief that too
much clean linen, and especially too much
clean flannel worn next the skin, is weakening;
that it extracts strength, in the shape of
perspiration; and that not to change it often,
obviates that mode of exhaustion. It economises,
they believe, their daily corporeal expenditure.
But, to rectify that mistake, the medical
man has only to be consulted as to whether
anything which has ever been exhaled from the
person ought ever to be re-absorbed. A
gentleman puts on his two shirts per day—one
when he rises, another when he dresses for
dinner—without thereby falling into delicate
health.

To have clean linen, we must know how to
clean it. A few hints on washing may be
welcome. If the subject be humble, at least it is
useful. And, after all, the state of a man's shirt
comes home to his feelings quite as much as the
state of the starry firmament; the spots which
we find upon our linen are quite as interesting,
though not so big, as the spots discovered on
the sun.

In the first place, what is the best thing to
do with linen when soiled? A proper answer
would be, "Wash it." But, as there always
must be an interval between the soiling and
the washing, How is it best disposed of during
that interval?

Except in cases of absolute necessity, as in
besieged towns, or on board ship during long
sea voyages, linen (and other articles of clothing)
should neither be kept long unclean, nor massed
in large quantities; and that for important
reasons. In many parts of France, it is