"The force!" said Mrs. Sniff. " Don't let
us have you talking about force, for Gracious
sake. There! Do stand still where you are,
with your back against the wall."

He is a smiling piece of vacancy, and he
smiled in the mean way in which he will even
smile at the public if he gets a chance
(language can say no meaner of him), and he stood
upright near the door with the back of his head
agin the wall, as if he was a waiting for somebody
to come and measure his heighth for the
Army.

"1 should not enter, ladies," says Our Missis,
"on the revolting disclosures I am about to
make, if it was not in the hope that they will
cause you to be yet more implacable in the
exercise of the power you wield in a constitutional
country, and yet more devoted to the
constitutional motto which I see before me;"
it was behind her, but the words sounded
better so; " ' May Albion never learn!'"

Here the pupils as had made the motto,
admired it, and cried, " Hear! Hear! Hear!" Sniff,
showing an inclination to join in chorus, got
himself frowned down by every brow.

"The baseness of the French," pursued Our
Missis, " as displayed in the fawning nature of
their Refreshmenting, equals, if not surpasses,
anythink as was ever heard of the baseness of
the celebrated Buonaparte."

Miss Whiff, Miss Piff and me, we drored a
heavy breath, equal to saying, " We thought as
much!" Miss Whiff and Miss Piff seeming to
object to my droring mine along with theirs, I
drored another, to aggravate 'em.

"Shall I be believed," says Our Missis, with
flashing eyes, "when I tell you that no sooner
had I set my foot upon that treacherous
shore——"

Here Sniff, either busting out mad, or thinking
aloud, says, in a low voice: " Feet. Plural,
you know."

The cowering that come upon him when he
was spurned by all eyes, added to his being
beneath contempt, was sufficient punishment for
a cove so grovelling. In the midst of a silence
rendered more impressive by the turned-up
female noses with which it was pervaded, Our
Missis went on:

"Shall I be believed when I tell you that no
sooner had I landed," this word with a killing
look at Sniff, " on that treacherous shore, than
I was ushered into a Refreshment Room
where there were, I do not exaggerate, actually
eatable things to eat?"

A groan burst from the ladies. I not only
did myself the honour of jining, but also of
lengthening it out.

"Where there were," Our Missis added, " not
only eatable things to eat, but also drinkable
things to drink?"

A murmur, swelling almost into a scream,
ariz. Miss Piff, trembling with indignation,
called out: " Name!"

"I will name," said Our Missis. " There
was roast fowls, hot and cold; there was
smoking roast veal surrounded with browned
potatoes; there was hot soup with (again I
ask shall I be credited?) nothing bitter in it,
and no flour to choke off the consumer; there
was a variety of cold dishes set off with jelly;
there was salad; there was—- mark me!-—fresh
pastry, and that of a light construction; there
was a luscious show of fruit. There was bottles
and decanters of sound small wine, of every size
and adapted to every pocket; the same odious
statement will apply to brandy; and these were
set out upon the counter so that all could help
themselves."

Our Missis's lips so quivered, that Mrs. Sniff,
though scarcely less convulsed than she were,
got up and held the tumbler to them.

"This," proceeds Our Missis, " was my first
unconstitutional experience. Well would it
have been, if it had been my last and worst. But
no. As I proceeded further into that enslaved
and ignorant land, its aspect became
more hideous. I need not explain to this
assembly, the ingredients and formation of the
British Refreshment sangwich?"

Universal laughter—- except from Sniff, who,
as sangwich-cutter, shook his head in a state of
the utmost dejection as he stood with it agin
the wall.

"Well!" said Our Missis, with dilated
nostrils." Take a fresh crisp long crusty penny
loaf made of the whitest and best flour. Cut
it longwise through the middle. Insert a fair
and nicely fitting slice of ham. Tie a smart piece
of ribbon round the middle of the whole to bind
it together. Add at one end a neat wrapper of
clean white paper by which to hold it. And
the universal French Refreshment sangwich
busts on your disgusted vision."

A cry of " Shame!" from all—- except Sniff,
which rubbed his stomach with a soothing
hand.

"I need not," said Our Missis, " explain to
this assembly, the usual formation and fitting
of the British Refreshment Room?"

No, no, and laughter. Sniff agin shaking his
head in low spirits agin the wall.

"Well," said Our Missis, " what would you
say to a general decoration of everythink, to
hangings (sometimes elegant), to easy velvet
furniture, to abundance of little tables, to abundance
of little seats, to brisk bright waiters, to
great convenience, to a pervading cleanliness and
tastefulness positively addressing the public
and making the Beast thinking itself worth the
pains?"

Contemptous fury on the part of all the
ladies. Mrs. Sniff looking as if she wanted
somebody to hold her, and everybody else looking
as if they'd rayther not.

"Three times," said Our Missis, working herself
into a truly terrimcnjious state, "three times
did I see these shamful things, only between
the coast and Paris, and not counting either:
at Hazebrouckc, at Arras, at Amiens. But
worse remains. Tell me, what would you call a
person who should propose in England that
there should be kept, say at our own model
Mugby Junction, pretty baskets, each holding
an assorted cold lunch and dessert for one, each
at a certain fixed price, and each within a