at least give way to the powerful temptation
instanced in Number three hundred and
forty-six, and salute one another with "How's
yourself, this morning?"

This " Never Too Late to Learn " seems
sometimes to raise ungrammatical ghosts
for the mere fun of laying them, and to
exhibit the ignorance of our fairly
educated classes through the medium of a
magnifier. This manner of treatment is
however reversed in the case of another work of
the same nature, also before us, called The
New Letter Writer, which gives the public
the credit of the first moral culture, and aims
at the adoption of even a higher standard of
correctness than is quite desirable.

Think of a young gentleman at a Huddersfield
(sic) preparatory school, expressing his
feelings after this fashion, when he writes
home to say when the holidays begin:

"DEAR PARENTS,—-It is with mingled feelings of
regret at leaving my kind preceptor, and of delight at
the prospect of our speedy meeting, that I announce to
you the conclusion of one half-year's stay at school."

We remember some such form of words
in a certain holiday letter, composed by our
schoolmaster, and written by us immediately
under his naked eye, but we don't think that
our original sentiments were by any means
appropriately expressed thereby. There is
another academy at Huddersfield, it seems
(or is it possible it can be the same?), which
has a second lusus naturæ in it.

"My schoolfellows are, generally speaking, very
agreeable and well-disposed boys, and we are so well
treated, that I almost feel as happy as though I were
at home.''

The little hypocrite concludes many pattern
remarks of the like nature with a hope that
he shall "enjoy the Christmas festivities in
the accustomed manner."

When a young gentleman of ten years old
acknowledges a cake from his mother in
such terms as these " Knowing, as I do,
that your whole life is occupied in promoting
my improvement and happiness, I can only
feel that each fresh token of your affection
lays an additional claim upon my gratitude,"
—-we think it probable that he would be
just the boy who would take that welcome
present into the seclusion of his own apartment,
and devour the whole of it, without
giving a single slice away. When he grows
up, we most sincerely wish that he may
marry the young woman who at present
writes from Cappe House Seminary, after the
following manner:—-" No pains have been
spared by any of my teachers to render me
worthy of your good opinion; and I must
ever feel grateful both to them and to
yourselves, dear parents, for the pains bestowed
upon my education."

As a father who has both boys and girls
of his own, I should receive any such epistles
as these with a prolonged whistle.

No university man, not even a freshman,
writes of "moving in the best set" in his
college; and very few, we regret to say,
gladden a parent with such a sentence
out of The New Letter Writer as this:
"The cheque you so kindly sent me
arrived in due course, and was not only fully
adequate to the expenses of my entrance, but
has left me a surplus which will last me
throughout the term." Happy the country
which produces an author who, believing in
the universality of such sentiments as these,
can express them, for the use of the virtuous,
so tersely and so well! It is pleasant to see,
too, how a moralist of this exalted description
can unbend, and stoop even to give a
specimen of an invitation to a bachelor party:
"Myself and half-dozen other good fellows
are going to devote a few hours on Tuesday
evening to the enjoyment of a few glasses of
wine, chit-chat, and so on; I hope you will
make one." This, we are convinced, is the
pattern boy and pattern undergraduate,
grown up to be a pattern young barrister in
chambers in Gray's Inn. Who else would
have written "a few hours," limiting the
time during which a bachelor party should
enjoy itself? Or "a few glasses of wine,"
limiting the amount which they should be
suffered to imbibe? The same contemptible
person, married and settled in Clarendon
Square, asks his " dear———" to " take a
chop" with him, and " knowing dear———is
not partial to large dinner parties," trusts the
host and hostess will be sufficient company.
This is however in later life. During his
young days, we delight in thinking that the
young lady who "felt almost distracted at
leaving that delightful place," her school, is
coming up to him, as sure as fate, and will
certainly at last be his wedded wife. It was
she, in after years, who caused him to refuse
the subscription to the charity in letter eighty-
six, upon the ground of poverty, although,
with his parsimonious habits and hers, he
must needs have been very rich. He
"presents his compliments " to the reverend
gentleman who applies to him, " but regrets
that in consequence of many similar claims
upon his purse, he is unable to contribute to
a design, the excellence of which he fully
recognises." That last sentence we think to
be exceedingly characteristic of our pattern
friend; he is always ready at the call of
charity to give to the uttermost—-his compliments
and his good wishes. It is our firm
and unalterable conviction that he never
sent the following letter to the father of
our young woman (late of Cappe House
Seminary), until every dishonourable means
for effecting his purpose had been resorted
to. It reads so ferociously respectable.

114. " SIR.—-As I scorn to act in any manner that
may bring reproach upon myself and family, and to
hold clandestine proceedings unbecoming any man
of character, I take the liberty of distinctly avowing
my love for your daughter, and humbly request
your permission to pay her my addresses, as I flatter