whose generosity I doubted— the man who not
only bursts on me with a new revelation, but
adds to it a column of advice, every sentence of
which is more than worth its tributary postage
stamp. Assuming that I have fixed on my
young woman, Mr. Flam teaches me how to
"circumvent" her, in the following artful and
irresistible manner:

I must see her as often as possible. I must
have something fresh to relate to her at every
interview; and I must get that "something
fresh" out of the newspapers. I must tell her
where I have been, and where I am going to,
and what I have seen, and what I expect to see;
and if she wants to go with me, I must take
her, and, what is more, I must be lively, and
"come out with a few witty remarks, and be as
amusing as possible"— for (and here is another
Secret, another great discovery thrown in for
nothing) I must recollect that " the funny man
is always a favourite with the ladies." Amazing
insight! How does Mr. Flam get down into
these deep, these previously-unsuspected well-
springs of female human nature? One would like
a brief memoir of this remarkable person,
accompanied by his portrait from a photograph, and
enriched by a fac-simile (for graphiological
purposes) of his handwriting.

To return once more, and for the last time, to
myself. It may be objected that, although Mr.
Flam has illuminated me with an inestimable
secret, has fortified me with invaluable advice
for making myself agreeable, and has assured
me that if I attend to it, I may, " after a few
weeks, boldly declare my love, and make certain
of receiving a favourable answer," he has,
apparently, omitted, judging by my abstract of his
reply, to inform me of the terms in which I am
to make my offer, when I and my young woman
are mutually ready for it. This is true. I am
told to declare my love boldly; but I am not
told how to do it, because Mr. Flam, of London,
is honourably unwilling to interfere with the
province of a brother-benefactor, Mr. Hum, of
Hull, who for twenty-six postage stamps (see
Advertisement) will continue the process of my
enlightenment, from the point at which it left
off, in "the most wonderful, astonishing, and
curious work ever published in the English
language, entitled MATRIMONY MADE EASY; OR,
HOW TO WIN A LOVER." It is unnecessary
to say that I send for this work, and two new
discoveries flash upon me at the first perusal
of it.

My first discovery is, that identically the same
ideas on the subject of matrimony, and
identically the same phrases in expressing them,
appear to have occurred to Mr. Flam, of London,
and to Mr. Hum, of Hull. The whole first part
of Mr. Hum's pamphlet is, sentence for sentence,
and word for word, an exact repetition of the
printed paper previously forwarded to me by Mr.
Flam. To superficial minds this very remarkable
coincidence might suggest that Mr. Flam
and Mr. Hum, in spite of the difference in their
respective names and addresses, were one and
the same individual. To those who, like myself,
look deeper, any such injurious theory as this is
inadmissible, because it implies that a benefactor
to mankind is capable of dividing himself in two
for the sake of fraudulently procuring from the
public a double allowance of postage stamps.
This is, under the circumstances, manifestly
impossible. Mr. Flam, therefore, in my mind,
remains a distinct and perfect Flam, and Mr.
Hum, a distinct and perfect Hum; and the
similarity of their ideas and expressions is simply
another confirmation of the well-known adage
which refers to the simultaneous jumping of two
great wits to one conclusion. So much for my
first discovery.

The second revelation bursts out on me from
the second part of Mr. Hum's pamphlet, which I
may remark, in parenthesis, is purely and
entirely his own. I have been previously in the
habit of believing that offers of marriage might
extend themselves in the matter of verbal
expression, to an almost infinite variety of forms.
Mr. Hum, however, taking me up at the point
where Mr. Flam has set me down, amazes and
delights me by showing that the matrimonial
advances of the whole population of bachelors may
be confidently made to the whole population of
spinsters, in one short and definitely-stated form
of words. Mr. Flam has told me when to
declare my love; and Mr. Hum, in the following
paragraph, goes a step further, and tells me how
to do it:

"When the gentleman has somewhat familiarised
himself with the lady, and perceived that he is not,
at all events, an object of aversion or ridicule, he
should seek a favourable opportunity, and speak to
this effect:— ' I have come (miss, or madam, as the
case may be) to take a probably final leave of you.'
The lady will naturally ask the reason; when the
lover can add (and if he is a fellow of any feeling,
the occasion may give a depth of tone and an effect
to his eloquence, that may turn the beam in his
favour, if it was an even balance before):— ' Because,
madam, I find your society has become so dear to me,
that I fear I must fly to save myself, as I may not
dare to hope that the suit of a stranger might be
crowned with success.'"

No more— we single men may think it short
—but there is actually not a word more. Maid
or widow, whichever she may be, " crowned with
success," is the last she will get out of us men.
If she means to blush, hesitate, tremble, and
sink on our bosoms, she had better be quick
about it, on the utterance of the word " success."
Our carpet-bag is in the hall, and we shall take
that " final leave" of ours, to a dead certainty,
unless she looks sharp. Mr. Hum adds, that she
probably will look sharp. Not a doubt of it.
Thank you, Mr. Hum; you have more than
earned your postage stamps; we need trouble
you no further.

I am now thoroughly prepared for my future
transactions with the fair sex— but where, it may
be objected, is the woman on whom I am to
exercise my little arts? It is all very well for
me to boast that I am above the necessity
of toiling after her, here, there, and everywhere
—toil for her, I must: nobody will spare me